Zindagi Gulzar hai - Life is a Flower Garden

25 April - Zaroon

Some days are so beautiful that you keep remembering them even if they seem to contain nothing special. Today is one of those days. For the first time, I have been successful in bending Kashaf, and words cannot describe my happiness.

Sir Abrar invited Kashaf to his home today. I did not know the exact time she would come so I went there in the early morning. When the servant came to tell us that she had arrived, Sir Abrar sent me to the adjoining room. I placed a chair near the door and kept the door open just enough to listen to the conversation between them. Her back was towards me so I had no worries about being seen.

After the usual hello-hi's, she asked the reason she was called.

"Kashaf, a few days ago Zaroon's parents went to your house."

I couldn't see her face but her tone showed that she was surprised.

"How did you know, Sir?!"

"I sent them."

"So that's why you called me here?"

"Yes. I want to know why you refused."

"You know very well why I refused and I did not expect you to take his side." she complained.

"Look Kashaf, if that's the only reason for your refusal then I will not accept it. That all is in the past and it would be better to forget it. And anyway, he apologized to you that day and I know that he will apologize again if you ask him too. Is there any other reason for you to reject him?"

"Why are you taking his side?"

"Because he is my student and every teacher wants the best for his student. And I'm thinking about what's good for you too. You won't find a better man anywhere."

"Why are you calling him a good man? Because he is rich and handsome? These things used to inspire me once, but not anymore. Their importance in my life has decreased. By the way, that incident is not the sole reason for my rejection. There are many more reasons. I am a practical woman and I like to face reality. I am not one of the girls who fall over themselves to catch a rich guy and reach the upper class. My sisters have been married in families which do not have much money but they are given the respect they deserve. They do not have to worry about things like the whereabouts of their husbands, with whom they spend their time, and what they might be doing. They do not have to think about their husbands' affairs. How can I marry a man whose whole past is in front of me, who thinks women are creatures to pass time, who does not know how to respect a woman. You may say he has changed. I will tell you that he has not changed and nor will he ever. His family and my family are worlds apart. This difference in classes would make my life hell. I belong to middle-class and his family will never forget that fact. A big deal would be made about every little mistake because of that difference. A person marries to make his life easier, not to make it even more difficult. That's why I cannot marry Zaroon."

She fell silent after that. Sir Abrar was also quiet. I opened the door and went in to the study. She didn't turn around.

"Kashaf, won't it be better if you talk to Zaroon himself?" Sir Abrar said after looking at me.

"There is no need. He has already heard everything and he cannot change my mind."

I was surprised that she already knew of my presence. I dragged a chair next to her and sat down.

"Yes I have heard everything you said and you too have not changed my mind. Every reason you have given is based on your personal prejudices and fear and life can't be spent like that."

She didn't look at me and she didn't speak. She continued rubbing the table with her car-key ring.

"You two talk, I'll come back in a little while."

Sir Abrar went out of the room. As soon as he walked out, she spoke.

"I have already told you of my decision, there is no need to continue this conversation."

"I have changed, Kashaf! I'm not the same as before. People change in moments, don't you think seven years are enough for me? I know I'm not perfect. Neither are you. No one is perfect. Some people are just better than others and some are worse. For you, I am not a better person but for me, I'm not worse. And since when did class matter to you? You used to say that a person should be ashamed if he is a thief, a murderer, if he hurts others. Not if he is poor. My class was not worthy of respect for you anyway. Why have your thoughts changed now?"

"My thoughts do not matter and will not change the cold facts. Your class is the one which gets respect from everyone."

"But I love you."

"These words are not special from the lips of a born flirt." She snarled at my words. "There must be thousands of girls you say these words to."

"But I really love you."

"And you must have really loved many girls. These words coming from you make me laugh. You think the same trick works for every girl."

"I will say again that I love you."

"Look, I'm not a teenager to fall for your silly words. What is this love and, according to you, real love? There is no place for love in our society. You people trick girls with your false proclamations of love. I don't need love and I don't give it any importance. It would be better for you to try your tricks with some girl who would actually believe in your foolish words."

Her face was red with anger but I did not find her words infuriating.

"I will not say that you are wrong. Except the part about me flirting with you. Those who flirt neither send their proposals nor do they listen to their insult. What ever you have said about me is correct. Of course, you studied with me, you know all about my past. You say that I am not a good man and I cannot respect a woman. But can you guarantee that the man you marry will know how to respect a woman, would never have had an affair, would never have looked at a woman with wrong intentions? No, you cannot. You can never fully believe that. Maybe your husband will hide his past from you and act like a good man in front of you. Just like my wife would believe me to be a very good man until she hears or sees any mistake. You do not like me because you know about my past, but you would accept your husband because his past would be hidden from you. What would you do if you learn that he isn't a very respectable man? Would you leave him or forgive him? Can't you forgive me for the mistakes I made in my past? I learn from my mistakes and I am not in the age to take decisions without thinking them through. To be very frank I have never tried to ruin a woman. I never respected a woman and I still don't but my affairs were made up of a few gifts, the right words, taking the girls on a drive or on a dinner. Nothing more than that. I have never taken it as far as marriage. I built boundaries for myself and these boundaries exist even today. I wanted to make a career but I fell in wrong habits and I did not want that. Maybe you won't believe me but I'm telling you the truth. What will happen if you reject my proposal? I have to marry. If not now then a few years later. I will find a girl like you because you're not the only one in the world. But I would miss you because even if she has every good characteristic, she won't be Kashaf. Try to look past the hatred you have for me. If you still don't want to marry me, I won't bother you again but for once, think this through thoroughly."

******

"What did she say?"

"She didn't say anything yet. I have given her time to think it through." Then I went home. About an hour and a half later, Sir Abrar called me.

"Zaroon, you'll have to bring mithai next time you come to my home!"

What was he talking about? "Why?"

"Because Kashaf has agreed!"

"What! So soon?" I was extremely surprised.

"What do you mean by so soon. Should she have agreed after five or ten years?"

I was restless. "What did she say, Sir?"

"She said that you can send your proposal. If her parents think it good for her, she won't say no."

I thanked him and ended the call. Then I called Kashaf in the evening. She had gone back to Faislabad. After thanking her I wanted to talk to her but she said she was busy. Now while writing my diary, I'm thinking that she isn't that bad after all.