Zindagi Gulzar hai - Life is a Flower Garden

09 November - Zaroon

Finally, Kashaf is mine and it has been three days since our wedding. She has gone back to her home and I am here, writing my diary. There is so much to write because three days ago, I entered the most beautiful phase of my life.

When I had looked at Kashaf all those years ago in college, I had never even guessed that one day I would be completely head over heels for a girl with no apparent specialty.

On the day of our wedding, I wasn't able to look at her closely but when we came home and I looked at her, she was amazing. I was unable to take my eyes off her. Maybe because it was the first time I saw her with make-up. Then when I went to my room at night, she was sitting on my bed in the traditional way. I went straight to my dressing room and changed my clothes. When I came back she was sitting in the same position. For a moment, I felt pity for her. What could she be feeling at the moment? She never even used to let me talk and now she was sitting with her head bent. I didn't go towards her but started spraying the room with the air-freshener. Then I picked up a perfume from the dressing table and sprayed it on my night-shirt. Then I took out a chocolate and soda can from the fridge and started drinking it. I sat down on the sofa and looked at her calmly. Her face was hidden by the veil so I was unable to see her facial expressions but I knew she was probably cursing me in her heart. I thought that drinking cold drink at 12:30 in the night could be quite bad for me. After all its the month of November but I wanted to make her wait for quite a bit.

After finishing the chocolate, I went into the washroom and brushed my teeth. Then I went and sat beside her on the bed and slowly lifted her veil. For the first time, she was sitting really close to me. She looked beautiful, sitting there staring at her hands. I looked at her for a while in silence then finally spoke.

"If I was an egoist, my behavior towards you would be different, but fortunately for you, I'm not."

She did not lift her gaze at my words. I took out the diamond ring from the side table. "Give me your hand." She extended her hand, which I noticed, was shaking. My heart melted for her. Was she scared of me, even when she used to scare me before? I slipped the ring on her finger. She tried to pull her hand back but I held it firmly in mine.

"How does it feel, coming here?" I tried to get her to speak but she stayed silent.

"Won't you say anything? Won't you try to free your hand? Won't you even look at me? Are you all right?" I teased her.

"Will you stay silent even when I take your other hand?"

She involuntarily pulled her other hand back. I laughed. She looked so confused and her confusion was amusing.

"You must be tired. How about you change your clothes?"

I spoke softly and stood up. She too, gathered her dress and started standing. She came out of the dressing room wearing her night-gown. When she sat down on the bed I said to her.

"Kashaf, you didn't love me before. Will you love me now?"

She stayed silent for a while and then spoke. "Yes."

Her one word extinguished the fire of humiliation she had built inside me with her words. I had never felt so content and happy as I felt in that moment. I kept acting with love towards her but she remained the same, serious and shy.

When I woke up in the morning, she was already awake and standing in front of the window. Tying the strings of my gown, I walked towards her.

"Good morning!" I said, stroking her hair.

"Morning."

"Do you always wake this early?"

"Yes." She wasn't looking at me while replying.

"Kashaf, won't it be nice to spare me a glance, too? The scenery outside can't be more interesting and beautiful than me." I put my hands on her shoulders and turned her towards me.

"Do you listen to music?" I asked her.

"Yes, sometimes." She still wouldn't look directly at me, and I was surprised.

"Okay, you can listen to this record, I'll be back in a little while."

I went into the bathroom. Half an hour later when I came out showered and dressed, she was sitting on the sofa. We had our breakfast in the bedroom. She kept smiling at me and didn't say much, but her presence alone was enough for me.

At eleven o' clock she went with my sister-in-law and Sarah to the beauty parlor. I saw her again at night and she appeared to be content and happy. She kept smiling at Osama and Farooq's teasing, which irritated me.

This morning she went back home and now, while writing my diary, I feel lonely. I never could have thought that spending only two nights with her could change me so much. I feel like the the most precious item from my bedroom has been taken away. I miss her terribly and I am going to call her in a while. I can't meet her but I can still talk to her.