Zindagi Gulzar hai - Life is a Flower Garden

17 Feb - Zaroon

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Today I received the order for my posting. I have to work in the UNO as a permanent representative. It is a very important post, one for which various members of the Foreign Office keep fighting among themselves. The winner is always the one with the largest amount of connections. It wasn't a problem for me, after all, family should have its uses sometimes. Even my long stay in Pakistan is a blessing from my family, otherwise I would have had to move long ago. I wanted to stay in Pakistan to settle my personal life. Kashaf too, had been working and it hadn't been possible for her to join the foreign service on a moment's notice. Anyway, everything is settled now, which is why I want to focus on my career now.

Kashaf, Taimoor and Aibak are going with me, which is why I have no worries at all. I will always keep them with me where ever I go because I am used to them now, and want to remain used to them. Living without them isn't possible for me anymore. Children especially need their parents at this age. Aibak is quite young but Taimoor needs to stay with me. He needs my love and attention and this is only possible if he remains with me. I want Kashaf to quit her job but I don't have the confidence to say this to her. I don't want her to think that I have returned to being like I was before, and that I want to force my will on her. I don't want her to feel inferior, useless, or that I want to limit her to our home. I don't feel that way at all.

I just want to reduce the burden of responsibilities on her. I want her to have time for herself, time that she could spend the way she wants. Right now, she is living the life of a machine. She spends the whole day in the office and comes home to work even more. Preparing lunch and dinner, helping Taimoor and Aibak and me...She's the first to wake in the morning and the last to go to sleep. I want her to be more comfortable.

She has made me used to herself so that I can't have anyone else take care of me. But I still wish she wouldn't have to work so hard. However, I won't force her to anything. She will have the final decision. I don't express my love for her all the time but it doesn't mean that I don't love her anymore. The relationship we have now doesn't need words to be described. She knows that I love her just like how I know that she loves me.

Kashaf is very precious to me. I always try my best to keep her happy. I will always regret one thing. Five or six years ago, I hit her and she left our home. At the time, I had seriously thought about divorcing her. She had been pregnant at the time and we both didn't know it. Sometimes I think that if I had divorced her and found out later that she was about to become the mother of children, I would have gone mad, because I would have had no way to get her back. Life would have been hell for me then. Even if I could have married again, my heart would have kept pining for Kashaf and my children. God stopped me from destroying my home, gave me a beautiful life, gave me a wife like Kashaf and sons like Taimoor and Aibak. I didn't even deserve these blessings but he still gave them to a man like me. I am sometimes unable to thank Him for all this. Undoubtedly, He is the most Merciful and Beneficent. I just pray that He saves my home from any future problems and continues blessing me with a happy life.