My leader

11

Billie's POV

Fuck myself. I feel horrible right now and the last thing I am in the mood for is going to a party. Brandon is apparently throwing one and I have to choose between being "boring" and not going or going with them and playing the "cool leader" role.

I could also tell him not to because they're going to make too mouch noise and shit but I don't think that it would be an option if I want their respect.

I hate myself for looking after validation, but I feel like that's what I need to make them listen to me even though it made me do horrible things.

I left Raven's room like three hours ago but I can still hear her voice. "There's nothing to talk about Billie. You fucking destroyed me".

Seeing her so scared of me, crying and shaking made me want to give her a hug, to hold her tight and tell her that everything's gonna be all right, just like her mom used to do with me when I was scared that our grandparents will find out about mom and dad.

I can already hear the music filling the whole mansion but I have to not care. Anyway, is not like everyone is gonna be mad at me or something because I didn't stop it. Maybe just a couple old people but I don't give a shit right now.

As I get in, I can feel everyone's eyes on me. I mean...I'm the fucking leader so...I am someone. Having attention is barely bothering me, but sometimes I need to be alone and forget all the responsibilities.

"Ayo dude! How u doin?" I hear Brandon's annoying voice. We shake hands and after a short conversation I just head to a couch in the corner and roll myself some weed. I gent lost, looking around.

We are on the last floor of the mansion where people usually get together for stuff. I had to learn it from my mom and dad. It wasn't easy to study every inch of two buildings in such short amount of time, but I figured it out in the end.

I sometimes think of how Finneas would have handled some of this stuff. He was really brave to step back and refuse to be part of the gang. A big rule of the gang is that once you're in it, there's no way back to a normal life. You can't just quit.

I have heard of people trying to run but they got caught and killed or thrown in the gang's prison, which from what I've heard, is an horrible place where they torture you and shit.

~nine hours later~

"Billie! Wake the fuck up!" I can feel someone shaking me, screaming in my ear.

"Shit. Drew? What time is it?" I ask as I get up from the couch. " It's like seven. Did you sleep well?"
"Hell no. Why am I here? Why didn't you wake me up bitch?" I yell at Drew as I punch her laughing.

"Well, Jaden and I got bored...and horny, so we had to leave. I tough you would've eventually decide to go to your room instead of leaving your saliva on this couch. I texted you this morning and guess what? No one responded."

" Well, at least you remembered about me NOW"
I say as we go down the stairs.

I head to my room to take a shower and she goes to class. I am so fucking glad that I don't have to even though I have other shit to handle. Today, the people we sent to New York are coming back. They successfully eliminated some evidence about a field full of marijuana we have in California.

Raven's parents are between the four people, which is making me anxious. What if she's gonna tell them? They will for sure reach out to my parents making them replace me.