Ephemeral

Burned to Ashes Part 1

I was in a daze – looking down at my hands and practically seeing the blood of a man that I had murdered...Except, my hands didn't have any blood on them but...they just seemed to be –

Tainted.

They were unmarked and didn't have anything on them – the nurses at the hospital had ensured that I had bathed once I arrived there – ridding myself of the evidence of the crime that I had committed earlier. There shouldn't be anything remaining on my skin that would cause me to keep staring down at them; I couldn't pull my eyes away, though.

I was unable to look away from my hands – an accusing stare residing in my eyes.

Tainted.

Tainted-!

I could still envision the gun in my hands -- the way it had fit perfectly...it had been made for me. It belonged in the palm of my hands – the feeling of the cold weapon in them felt like home. Everything was familiar and in its proper place as it should have been. I could remember each memory of the vent as it resumed as a play-by-play in my mind.

The man that I had shot multiple times without any mercy...

How...easy it was to pull the trigger-!

A large hand found its way into the two of mine. I glanced up to find who it belonged to only to see Killian giving me a genuine smile. It looked misplaced on his face, since the man hadn't once smiled at me other than to mock or ridicule me – his eyes were glazed over and it seemed as though his mind was somewhere else at the moment.

To his immediate left was a tall metal IV stand, with the plastic tubing leading into his left arm from the clear fluid bag.

He gripped onto my hands tightly, giving it a reassuring squeeze. This was different than what I had usually experienced – and, I might have experienced it before my life had turned to shit...it seemed as though that life was a long time, ago.

The feeling of a comforting presence seemed taboo inside of my mind – I didn't deserve it after everything that I had done.

"It's going to be okay, Quinn," he whispered to me, causing me to raise my eyebrows at the unfamiliar name that came out of his mouth.

I realized that the man must have been pumped with morphine to alleviate the pain of the surgical procedure – he definitely was not in his right state of mind. Killian let out a slow breath...I didn't know what he was speaking to anymore.

"Daddy is here," he added in a slurred voice.

My eyes widened at that: Killian has a child-?

He sat down on the bed I was resting on, making himself comfortable as he lightly shifted his position to situate his body better. I slowly turned my head to make eye contact with his green eyes – they were usually hardened and guarded.

Although, this time...there was warmth.

"Are you hurting at all, princess?" Killian asked, examining my face. I didn't respond to him – I found that it would be too strange to carry on this delusion that he had found himself in. "I won't let you be in pain again," his other hand went up and lightly patted the top of my head.

I stilled at such an action, still not knowing what to say. Killian was having a drug-induced hallucination, and I seemed to be forcibly included in it. I didn't know what part I was assigned in this scene that was playing out in front of him.

"I'm happy you're back, Quinn..." Killian closed his eyes, bringing his hand to my farthest shoulder from him.

He pulled me towards his side with a relieved sigh, and I felt his body begin to relax. I clenched my hands tightly, not knowing what to do. Unlike him...I couldn't relax and pretend as though this was all normal --