Ephemeral

Flames of Rebirth Part 1

I stared in front of the building as the rest of the teens were beginning to walk inside of the double steel doors of the high school. The teens had on their backpacks while I was holding mine in front of me, treating it like a nuisance instead of an extension of myself. Most of them were talking to their friends, each one not even sparing, someone as insignificant like me...a passing glance.

And why would they-?

I was no one special and they didn't even know me.

I was nothing.

They had relocated me to a state that had mostly indoor classrooms. Coming from a high school in Florida where there were breezeways and portables, it was almost incapable to comprehend. This school was more compact and like something one would see in a young adult drama on television.

The bell went off, while I still stood there -- unmoving.

After a few seconds, I brought a hand up to my neck. I fiddled with the gold medallion necklace that was around my throat, anxiously. I had to wear it every time that I left the house, since one push on the medallion would let Killian and his team know of my exact coordinates in case Aidan kidnapped me again unexpectedly.

Unexpectedly...right.

In my brain, it was only a matter of time before he came to recollect me. I knew better than to even think about having a normal life, or wanting to get close to anyone. Yes, I did in fact know better than to move on from a past that I thought I could run away from.

It never helped me before – it never helped me by running.

My past always seems to catch up with me.

It helped, somewhat, that I wasn't completely on my own; the medallion saw to that. 

I brought my hand down to rest at my side, flexing my hand out from the built up nerves. 

I had Killian and the United States government that wanted to bring down Aidan. The gold medallion served as a shield in a sense, and provided me an invisible crutch to stand on which was good, since...I didn't know how to even stand on my own anymore without falling.

Most times I would find myself staring off into space, my eyes locked onto a wall. The need and want to disassociate from this world and slink off into my traumatic memories was the most desirable thing for me. I was aware that it was an unhealthy coping mechanism – my therapist even said that it was.

Often, I would be at a loss for words --

The interpersonal skill of communication between people was beginning to become unknown to me as the days continued to blur together. I didn't know what to say that would sound genuine to others – to strangers that I had just met. 

The old Arianna would have known what to say to strike motivation or, at the very least, make someone feel comfortable.

Now...?

What would I even say as an icebreaker if I had went inside of this place-?

Hi, I'm Arianna. I got kidnapped and my boyfriend and friends were killed in front of me. I was then taken away to Japan where my kidnapper trained me day by day to be his fiancé until I tried to kill myself. Then, I killed a man without even thinking about it since that very same man tried to kill me nearly a month and a half ago. Hope that we can be friends! <3

I could feel myself my shoulders slump as my mood deflated. Running it through my mind as a practice run...it sounded fake and insane even to my own ears.