Ephemeral

Epilogue

I wasn't good at talking about my feelings...much less writing them down.

I crumpled up the piece of paper I was writing and tossed it behind me, looking intently at the new piece of paper that was underneath it. There was a piece of me that wished the words would write themselves – I didn't want to even do this...but I had to.

After everything that happened...I had to.

I tapped the pen against the desk for a bit, looking for some inspiration, or at the very least...a better way to organize my words. Leaning back in my chair, I stared up at the ceiling of my bedroom and let out a small sigh.

Words were hard...

I stayed like that, accompanied by my silence, until my door suddenly opened up without any warning.

"Oh -- you're still up?" Bella asked as she walked inside and sat on the edge of my bed.

"Yup," I said, turning around in my chair to look at her. "What are you still doing up?" I asked, looking at the digital clock that was by my bedside. I studied the time, not believing that it was already that late myself. "At..." I pulled my eyes away from the clock and stared at my sister. "Three in the morning?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders, reacting as if it were just another normal night for her.

I remembered when she would stay up late before when we were back in high school – I was the only one that was the early bird and insisted that when the sun was up, I would be too, trying to improve my running speeds to beat Lindsay Chamberlain – it didn't help in the long run, though, did it...?

My life took a different turn.

"Doing normal stuff..." Bella explained vaguely as she leaned forward, wriggling the tips of her fingers as a smirk appeared on her face. "Talking to ghosts."

"Are you calling me a ghost?" I asked with a smile, unable to stop from teasing her.

"No, you've definitely got more weight on you now..." Bella said with a small smile on her face. It was true, I ate a normal diet now that I was back in Florida with my father and sister. "I actually just got back from the gym...couldn't sleep," she placed her arms behind her back, tilting her head to the side. "What about you? Writing a book over there?" She eyed the pile of stationary paper as she nodded her head in my direction.

I dropped the pen from my hand and heard it fall onto the desk that I was sitting at. I crossed my arms, contemplating letting out a little white lie. It wasn't as if I could openly tell her what I was doing, or she would take the pen and papers from me, locking it away to prevent me from doing it.

I shook my head – "No, nothing like that...just..." my eyes wandering around the room. "Writing a letter to someone."

"Oh?" She asked, and I knew I had piqued her interest. "To who?" She sat up straight. "To me??" She asked excitedly as she placed a hand on her chest.

I let out a laugh at her antics and shook my head again. "No, not this time," I said, turning back around in my chair. "It's to..." I paused, knowing that saying the name would be enough to incite her anger. "To someone that knows me better than myself, probably."

"God...?" Bella asked slowly with disbelief as she raised an eyebrow that I could see from the corner of my eyes. I shook my head at what she was saying – yes, I had been through a very traumatic event, but I wasn't about to turn to God for help or salvation. "If you want to go to church now..." she approached the idea with caution, wanting to be understanding and supportive. "I think that Janelle actually goes-?"