Ephemeral

Infection

I laid down on the bed that had once been mine while having my cell phone blasting on speaker mode beside my head. I continued to pick the skin around my thumbs, tearing off the excess skin until it began to bleed. Bringing the bleeding thumb up to my mouth, I attempted to stop the bleed myself as I listened onto whatever story that Jonah was talking about.

He seemed to have suddenly changed topics --

"Hey," Jonah solemnly said. I was staring hard at the white ceiling above me. "When are you planning to come up for a visit, Ri-Ri?"

I took my thumb out of my mouth and swung my hand in the air to dry it off. "I don't know," I responded honestly. The next words were a half-promise and not a full-on commitment to him: "Sometime after I pass my GED I guess..."

"Wait, what do you mean GED?" Jonah questioned, though it came off more like he was interrogating me. It made me think that I was doing something bad and frowned upon. "I thought you were going to go back to your school over there-?"

"I can't do that..." I sternly responded, purposefully cutting him off. I then glared up towards where the phone was currently resting. I knew that I public enemy number one in this town ever since I got back home. My next words were shaky: "They...hate me here."

Jonah was silent as he continued to listen to me.

"I can't take a step outside of my house without being bombarded by someone who blames me for what happened...!" I whined out, digging my palms into my eyes as I let out a small groan of frustration. "It's not like I'm not to blame because of how I'm related to the entire thing but..." I breathed in deeply as I rested my arms by my sides. "They have a right to be angry..."

"Okay, girl, repeat after me," Jonah paused for a small amount, gathering my attention.

I nodded, though he wouldn't be able to see it. I concentrated on breathing and not breaking down on crying even though that's what I had been doing for the past day and a half. I was certain that if I looked in the mirror right now that my eyes would be bloodshot red.

"It's not my fault," Jonah stated.

"It's not...my fault..." I repeated weakly, if only to satisfy him.

"There you go," Jonah spoke. "Now, what are you going to do come Monday?"

I rolled my eyes at that question – "Stay at home."

"No-!"

"Listen, I have to go," I responded, not wanting to talk about this any longer.

I rolled over on my side and gripped the sleek black phone in my hands. Jonah was saying some words of complaint and began to curse me out, though I had ended the call quickly before setting my phone on airplane mode.

I didn't want to talk about this to anyone...

I didn't want to be harassed right now.

It made me wonder if Aidan was right about trying to live a normal life --

I could assume a new identity, and move to a different state – it had worked before when I was in witness protection. Yet, it was evident that there was no room in this world for Arianna Hopkins anymore. She had caused the school shooting, at least according to the people in my hometown, and she would be forever blamed for living whereas everyone else was deceased.

Sighing, I sat up and took the credit card off my dresser and my phone off my bed.

A jog might help clear my mind.

My eyes also landed on the orange bottle of pills that were prescribed to me. The doctor at the hospital said not to do any extraneous exercise and I was certain that jogging counted as one. Walking over to the dresser, I popped two pills even though I had already taken my required dose for the day.