you & me. legal. forever.

15. Pep(per) Talk

"So, can he hear everything like Steve did?" Pepper raised her eyebrows. "I remember when you begged Tony to add soundproofing protocols to all the bathrooms at the compound while you were there..."

"Yeah, and even though he obliged, he also rigged a fucking fart noise to go off every time we armed the alarm system." Zoe snickered.

"And to answer your question, unfortunately yes, James hears all. It's so fucking embarrassing." She hid her face in her hands. "Especially since he laughs every time, like the overgrown twelve year old he is...At least good old uptight Steve would silently clutch his pearls and pretend not to notice. Goddamn super people." Zoe sighed. "Honestly, though, all embarrassing bodily functions aside, I have to ask, Pep. How the hell do you make everything look so effortless? You tamed Tony Stark, for fucks sake! How'd you make it look so damn easy?"

"Are you serious?!" Pepper laughed into her glass of wine at her friend. "You really think I made it look easy dealing with Tony?! Come on!!!"

"Obviously, nothing was easy when it came to him, Pep!" Zoe protested. "But the way you handled yourself, always the voice of reason, the calm in the storm, the one who always had her shit together? Yeah, you made that shit look like it was as easy as breathing! With your fucking perfect hair and grace, you unbelievable bitch!" Zoe laughed. "What the fuck?! It's not enough that you look like a goddamn supermodel, but you have to have the patience of a saint, too?"

"Ah, there it is..." the blonde smirked. "That's the trick, isn't it? Make it look like everything is okay? You learned that lesson in spades when you were with Steve. Don't fall into those bullshit patterns again. It gives you wrinkles."

"Just because by comparison, I was the reasonable one, does not mean it was ever easy. Remember how many times we split up before actually getting married?" Pepper sighed. "If that man hadn't lost me so many times, he never would have realized that he needed to make real, lasting changes. Even then, it was a lot, you know that."

"Yeah, but once you guys figured your shit out, it worked pretty well, did it not?" Zoe tread lightly. "Let's face it, Tony was Tony, but he managed to get it together to be what you needed, then for Morgan, too. What I'm trying to figure out is how you navigate being you, while also being with someone who at any given moment has to go and blow shit up, you know?"

"You've been doing a great job of it so far, why all the doubt now?" Pepper raised an eyebrow. "Is it because you're worried about what other people will think? If that's what this is about, frankly, I'm disappointed in you. Where is my friend who once told a three star general to go fuck themselves when they got in the way of her trying to patch up Rhodey? Or the woman who finally walked away from the world's most eligible bachelor because it turns out he was kind of the worst? Or the one who has literally made the big bad Winter Soldier almost piss his pants in fear when he's done something stupid? Where is she? That woman has this in the bag."

"I don't know Pepper..." Zoe sighed. "Up until now, it's just been us and the people we care about knowing about us. Once we're married, and I'm on fucking government watch lists or whatever, I worry that the massively insecure useless lump side will take over and I'll revert to those bad habits. James has had such a rough go of things already, I just don't want to make it worse, you know? He's still so fragile in public, I can't be the thing that reflects poorly on him. Not that most people have any idea what he's actually like, but, what if I do or say anything that makes shit harder for him? I don't want to be that guy, Pep. He's the best, and I don't want to cause trouble."

"You haven't so far. Why does having more people looking at you scare you so much?" Pepper knew it was never easy for Zoe when she was with Steve, she knew that any time there was speculation in the press or a side glance from an agent at the compound, the brilliant wise-ass firecracker who could give her husband a run for his money disappeared, and the shy self-conscious woman with the monstrous case of impostor syndrome came out.