Deception - H.S

Chapter 89

Harry Styles

The moment we landed and got to the safe house, I picked the very last room and locked myself in it after grabbing a few bottles of liquor that I could find in the kitchen cabinets. The anticipation of a panic attack was severe. 

How do I do this without her?

The entire plane ride was hazy, like I was in a lucid dream with no control whatsoever because if I had the control... because if this was really a dream, I'd get Hope back and she would be here with me right now.

I cannot believe I was so fucking stupid to let anyone else take lead. Hope is my weakness but she also gives me a sort of strength that no one else has ever been able to. I let the former take over when I decided to focus on keeping Hope happy and trusting Niall to take care of everything else. 

Why would I not? He was supposed to be her best fucking friend but if this is what it's like to have a best friend, then I'm fucking glad to not have one.

Two bottles down, I was slightly buzzed but it wasn't enough to rid myself from thinking about Hope, her face keeps flashing in front of my eyes as if taunting me for not keeping her safe myself. My mind was spinning, body feeling cold but with hot flashes and I could hear my heartbeat in my head.

I gripped the bedsheet in my fist, taking a large swing from the bottle in my other hand as I feel an ache in my chest. Was it because I was hurting for Hope or because there was something wrong with my heart? I couldn't even remember if I took my medicine or not and quite frankly, I didn't care.

I pull my phone out of my pocket, clicking on the last contact. Just listening to her voicemail had me smiling but just as quickly her voice made me smile, it also made me sad. The fact that it was going straight to voicemail wasn't a good thing. "Hope..." my voice comes out cracked, swallowing a dry lump in my throat before I continued. "Hey, please call me back. I'm so fucking sorry and I just- I need you to call me back so I can explain everything."

My leg bounces in anxiousness, trying to patiently wait for her to call back but I couldn't help myself and left another voice mail, "Baby, please, I can't fucking do this. You can be mad because I know I fucked up and I don't deserve you but please..." I pinch my eyes shut, feeling tears along my waterline. "I need you here with me okay? I swear I will explain everything." I was begging, sounding pathetic but that is exactly how desperate I was.

"I know you're mad and you should be but just talk to me, please. I need to hear your voice, tell me you're okay and come back to me and then you can scream and yell all you want." I leave the 7th voicemail, slurring my words now that I had finished two more bottles.

I miss her, I miss her so fucking much.

After her voicemail was full, I couldn't do anything else so I went to get some things out of my bag to distract myself. It was morning now and there was no call back from her.

The first things I see are things that belong to Hope. I take them all out and put them by her side table, taking the few articles of clothing that were with me and putting them in the closet.

Everything should be ready for her when she comes back.

Just as I was pulling the last of her things from my bag, I see a white box. I take it out, opening it and look at the gift I had gotten for Hope. It was a matching necklace with an H pendant. She is so obsessed with mine, I thought it would be a good gift for her birthday, plus I would love to see her wear my initials on her neck. I know it is her initial too but recently, I've been thinking about the necklace I wear, liking it more now because it was also Hope's initial.