Broken Promises

Chapter 9

I was drowning. Suffocating with every excruciating, painful breath. Every time I kicked myself up for air, I was suddenly dragged deeper into the abyss below. Something was sitting on my chest. The demons that I fight become angrier. I kicked. I fight. But, no matter what I do, they never go away.

I rubbed my face. The sweat came down like the tears from eyes. I took some Tylenol to drown out my headache. Its been a week since He gained another angel. I won't lie, I don't even know if there's someone above who has the mighty power to control us. But, for her sake, I was trying. I don't really know why He would want to take her away from me. Its like He was toying with my brain. Hands me something beautiful to love and cherish like a sister and then rips her out of my hands. How am I supposed to believe in something like that?

I don't really understand what I was doing. I was in my car driving. I can't tell you where I was going because at the moment, I wasn't sure. As I drove, the tears rushed down my face. Was I grieving because I missed her or was I grieving because I didn't save her? How can this be fair? It should have been me. I screamed at God while I cussed under my breath.

"Why are you doing this to me? First off you make my life a living hell. I get up every morning just to look in the mirror and tell myself how I should just die. How can you give me someone so beautiful just to rip her out of my hands! How can you be so cruel!" I screamed at the sky. The clouds started rolling in. "How can you sit there and play your stupid game while young people are sitting her contemplating killing themselves. You punished yourself for us but, now, all you do is punish us! I hate you!" I squeezed my eyes. And the whole world went black as metal collided with metal. The airbag exploded. I was suffocating as I was loosing conscious.

I was falling. This time it was different. I tried to grasp reality, but the harder I tried, the farther it got. I don't know what was going on. I wasn't scared. I was emotionless. I was fighting for the life that I didn't even want. I can't tell you what happened. I was angry with God and all of a sudden, I was unconscious. People always say that if you keep going with life, things will get easier. And maybe that worked for them. However, I was trapped in a corner. In a room with no door. No windows. So, how can you save someone when they can't get out of the grasp? It's a side effect of dying.

I surface just long enough to see Mom bending over me. I was in a room. A heart monitor was attached to my pained body. The steady beep.. beep... told me that I was still living. Blood rushed to my head. I was slipping out of reality to a dream land. I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and let go of everything.

I woke up some time later. I blinked against the bright light that blinded me. I was weak. Emotionally. Physically. Mom sat on my bed and held my hand. She pressed the button that called the nurse. Last time I was in the hospital, I was loosing blood. Covered in bandages.

"Good morning, Alice." My doctor came in.

"Hi." I whispered.

"You were rushed to the hospital in an ambulance a few days ago. You've been unconscious. Do you remember anything from Saturday night?" I racked my brain for something. Anything. And then it came into mind.

"I was angry so I went for a drive. I passed by Lissie's house and that's all I really remember. I heard metal on metal before I blacked out." He nodded.

"Okay. Well, you were out for quite awhile. We took your blood and we've been checking your vitals and everything. You have a couple of fractured ribs and a small concussion. You tore a ligament in your left shoulder. You've encountered a lot of damage. Im sorry, but we can't send you home yet. You are due for a PET scan tomorrow morning."

"Thank you, Dr." He nodded and left. My mom held my hand.

"Are you okay?" She asked, fear stuck to her face.

"In a lot of pain, but I'll be okay. Don't you worry."

She dropped the question. "Was this a suicide attempt?"

"No, Mom. No. It wasn't. I didn't mean to hit another car. It was an accident. I swear." She nodded and kissed my forehead.

"People are here to see you."

The group came in. I felt my heart broke to see their face. Was it a suicide attempt that I wasn't aware of? Another side effect of dying. Travis kissed my forehead. I teared up when I saw the flowers and chocolates they brought me.

"I love you guys so much."

They ended up staying for a while. Calli stayed the night with me. We watched American Horror Story from season one and she painted my toes. We laughed and for a while I was happy. Tomorrow I would find out what the conflicted damage has done to my body. But for now, I slept.