Broken Promises

Chapter 14

I rolled over onto my side and stared at Travis's sleeping face. For almost three years, he has been my everything. When we first met, I was broken. When I say broken, I don't mean a few little cracks. I was destroyed. He thought that I was absolutely beautiful when all I saw was the ugly. As his beautiful blue eyes fluttered open, I couldn't help but smile. He was a blessing.

"Good morning, Beautiful."

"Morning, Handsome." He smiled at me before giving me a soft kiss.

I was standing in the kitchen making coffee when I got a phone call. It was from Lizzie's parents. I invited them to the wedding, but they told me that it would still be a little sad since I was her best friend. And they were right. I still miss her. The pain never went away. I still feel it more and more everyday, but it's just something you learn to live with.

"Hello," I took a seat at the bar.

"Hello, Alicia." Lizzie's mom's voice sounded cheerful.

"How are you guys?" I asked as the memory of her passing rang through my head.

"We're good. And you and Travis?"

"Happy." I felt Lizzie's presence around me. That will be you soon. You'll be there too.

"That's good. We just wanted to call and tell you congratulations." I nodded even though she couldn't see.

"Thank you."

"Keep in touch and good luck."

"Thank you. Have a good day." And with that, she clicked the phone dead.

My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach and I wiped away a stray tear. I stared at the coffee pot until the dam of tears broke. I sank to the floor and rocked myself back and forth. I missed her so much. No, I didn't know her as long as I knew Hannah or Mads. But, she was my sister. I told her practically everything. She should have been standing next to me yesterday. She should have hugged me tightly and told me she'd see me tomorrow. She should have cried happy tears with me. She should be here. But, she's not. I could have stopped her.

Somewhere between my phone call and now, I managed to pass out on the cold tile of my flat one bedroom apartment. I woke up to Travis holding me in his warm arms and stroking my pale, wet face. I gave him a shy smile and tried to cover my face with my hair. I was disappointed in myself. I know that things are rough, but I'm supposed to be strong. I don't want him to think I'm weak. He brushed my hair back and smiled down at me.

"Are you okay?" He asked as I tried to sit up. I had a migrane and I just wanted to curl up and sleep forever .

"No," I started but my words caught in my throat as Lizzie's face passed through my head. "I know it's been a few months, but I miss her so much. I miss her so so so much." My voice cracked and the tears began to flow like a tsunami. He held me closer and brushed my forehead with his lips.

"Baby, it's okay." He tried to comfort me as he rocked the two of us back and forth. I climbed a little farther into his lap and rested my face into the side of his neck. The tears wouldn't stop.

"No, no it's not. She was supposed to be here yesterday." He shooed me and continued to rock.

I cried myself to sleep in his warmth. I woke up next to him in the middle of the night. I forgot when I got the call and I forgot when my mind completely went numb. Everyone tells you that it gets easier, that the pain will simply fade. Not because you stopped missing them, but because you learned to live without them. But, it doesn't get easier. You learn to live with it, but all it takes is a simple phone call, a simple song, a simple place, and the pain and the reality comes crashing over you like a caved in ceiling. No matter how hard you try to forget about the pain, it looms over you. Haunting your very existence. Suicide just makes it harder because you know that if you tried harder to stop the pain, that person would still be by your side making you laugh at all the corny jokes. That's how it is with Lizzie.