Broken Promises

Chapter 11

I woke up in bed. Was it a nightmare? I looked down at my hands and dry mud was caked underneath the nails. I rolled over and stared at my door for what seemed like an eternity. How could this have happened? Its been a month since she passed and I still sit here moping around. How can I possibly get over this?

Travis came in and sat on the edge of my bed and placed a hand on the small of my back. I flinched at his touch. Only then did I realize I was freezing and his touch felt like I was setting myself on fire. I rolled over and buried myself deeper into my covers. He laid down beside me and pulled me in close. He closed his eyes and kissed my forehead.

"How are you doing?" He asked.

"My head hurts." I knew that wasn't what he meant, but I was tired of talking about her death.

"Do you want me to grab you something?" I barely nodded.

"I'll be right back." It felt like he was gone for a long time. Maybe it was the fact that the walls seemed to be closing in on me with every blink of my eyes. Or maybe it was the fact that after he left, the whole room went cold.

"Here," He handed me Tylenol and a bottle of water.

"Thank you." I whispered.

We laid there. Neither one of us wanting to ruin the moment. Its the first time we've laid like this in a while. The whole world seemed to finally be at peace and I realized he was the reason I was still holding on. He is my better half. Our relationship is different than other people's. He is my knight in shining armor. He's a thousand different things wrapped into one amazing person. I don't think I would be here if it wasn't for him. I buried myself deeper into his side.

"Please don't leave me." I whispered.

"I don't plan on it, Alice." He rubbed my back and I closed my eyes.

"I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. I don't think I ever want to love someone the way I love you. There are not enough words in the dictionary to explain how much I love you." He chuckled.

"I love you so much, Alice." He kissed my forehead and my face turned red.

I woke up a while later. He was lying on his side with one arm draped across my side. He snored softly. I rolled over and stared at his sleeping face. I am so grateful I went through what I went through. Things happen for a reason. If I never tried to take my own life, I would not be blessed to be in this man's life. I have no idea how I got so lucky. He has loved every imperfection. He has taught me that they are perfect imperfections. The scars on my body, they remind me that I have won this war. The demons in my head, they remind me that I am greater than that. My friends and family, they constantly remind me that people love me. Even if I don't think so. I kissed his nose.

"Hey, beautiful," I started talking before he could say anything else.

"I love you so much. People like you don't come around very often. If I never went through what I went through, I wouldn't have met you. And even though I was a shitty person for awhile, I just want you to know that you have loved me in every possible way. You have seen me at my very worst, with makeup running down my face, but you have cherished me. You have come over in the middle of the night just to wipe those very tears. You have made every effort to make me laugh." He smiled.

I continued, "You have done nothing, but accept me for who I really am. When I came home from that place, you were the first one to make me see that I went in there and came out a better person. You have managed to love me at every possible turn. I don't know if I believe in God, but you are truly an angel that He sent down for me. And I don't want anyone else. You are truly an amazing person. Even though I am hard to love, you've managed to love me." I was crying. Not a sad cry, but a happy cry. Because that's what I was.

"You are not hard to love, baby. You are rough around the edges, you get self absorbed, you get moody, and you are a bit needy. Sometimes, you expect too much and give too little. You laugh a little too loud and when you talk, your voice gets a bit shaky. You are outspoken and can't bite your tongue. You are broken in all the wrong places. But, your flaws are perfect. You are perfect. You are worthy of nothing less than perfect. You deserve all the best kinds of love. I am so grateful that you decided to be with me. I love you so much. You are the most amazing person that has ever walked into my life. Please don't ever doubt my love for you, Alice." He wiped my tears.

Four months have passed since that conversation on my bed. It is now December. The snow is falling softly. It lies unevenly on the ground. I look behind me and watch as the foot prints fade away by newly fallen sheets. He grabbed my hand and pulled me deeper into the woods. Travis knocked on my door this morning and told me to get dressed. He refused to tell me where I was going. I closed my eyes as I followed behind him.

"Why are you closing your eyes, baby?" He asked as we approached a stop.

"Because I want to live in this beautiful moment forever." He continued to pull me.

"Alice, open your eyes." I opened them. I almost fell over backwards at the sight. We were standing on a cliff with nothing beneath us. The blanket of snow piled high underneath our feet. It was a thirty feet cliff, but I have never felt higher before.

"Why did you bring me here? It's beautiful."

"The most beautiful people are the ones who know defeat. Who are best friends with suffering. Who know struggle, who know loss, and who have found their own way out of their rock bottom. You have an appreciation, a sensitivity, an understanding of the purpose of life. You fill people with compassion, with love, with kindness. People like you do not just appear. Alice, I don't want to be here just for now. I want to be here for you in ten years. I want to wake up by your side at three in the morning and pull you in close just to hear your soft snores. I want to stand in the kitchen throwing food at you. I want to love you forever and always. I want to love you until I can't love you anymore. Alicia, will you marry me?" I didn't respond. I stood there. Not numb. Not emotionless. I jumped into his arms and started crying.

"I love you so much! I love you so so so so much! Yes!" I replied with tears pouring down my face.