Broken Promises

Chapter 15

The building didn't change since I was here, but the people inside did. Patients wore different color jumpsuits. Some stark white, some yellow, some blue. They walked with no purpose and talked no louder than a whisper. I got lost in my thoughts as we walked into the waiting room. I held Travis' hand as tight as I could. I didn't want him to leave me alone with these people. Not even for a minute. Mom sat on my right and filled out the forms. I stared at my feet and listened to the soft lullaby of his breath. 

"Please don't leave me." I whispered as tears threatened to fall. 

"I have too." He gave my hand a tight squeeze. 

"Please," 

"Two days, Alicia." 

"Please, Travis." I begged. I knew it was no use. They cared too much to let me go home. 

A nurse came into the room with a soft smile on her face. She was one of my nurses last year. At least there would be one familiar face during these next two days. Mom didn't rise from the couch, instead she handed me the papers and focused on the ground. I embraced her tightly before rising from the couch. Travis squeezed me tightly. He placed a soft kiss on my forehead and took my wedding ring from my finger. I lingered a moment in his warmth. I would finally have to sleep by myself. I felt myself crack a bit as he helped mom off the couch. 

"We love you," She said as they walked through the door. 

I placed my bag on the bed and took a deep breath before digging inside for the picture of Travis and I on our wedding day. I instantly longed for the warmth of his skin as it lightly grazed over me. I longed for the way he smiled as he kissed me. I took a seat on the bed and let myself break. I don't know how I could get this low again. I haven't even finished school and here I am again. I disappointed myself, my friends, and my family. The door opened and closed before I was willing to look up. 

"Are you Alice?" A soft voice asked. "I'm Andrea." She must not have realized that I was crying. 

"Hi," My voice was hoarse.

"Do you want to talk?" 

"No, I really just want to get through this so I can get home." She nodded and left the room. 

It was six by the time I threw on a jumpsuit and walked down the lonely halls and into the cafe. I forgot how lonely this place felt. I forgot the emptiness in the souls of the prisoners. The lonely echoes the sounds make. I forgot what it was like to be trapped. I stood in line and waited for the slop of food to be placed on my yellow tray. They had color coordinating trays now. Red for eating disorder. Blue for schizophrenia and PTSD. Orange for depressed. Green for OCD. Black for bipolar. 

I sat at a table closest to the door and the farthest from anyone. My ring finger felt hollow without the diamond that reminded me of my future. I stared at the mess of food on my plate for a few minutes before an officer type person walked over to my table. He took a seat and tried to make small talk with me. I laughed quietly and stuck my food into my mouth. 

"Why are you here?" He asked quietly. 

Swallowing, I said, "Why is everyone else with orange trays here?" He chuckled at me and gave me a different look. Something about it was inviting, almost intimidating in a way. 

"My name is Kevin." He reached across the table to shake my pale hand. 

"Alicia," I met with his hand across the table and shook it lightly. 

"You don't really look that depressed, to be honest." I nodded. Everyone that looked at me thought that. 

"I guess you really don't know people until you talk to them." He smiled at me. 

"I'm still on duty so I have to go. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow?" I was shocked for a second. 

"Yeah, I guess." I went back to eating as he lifted himself out of the chair. 

Therapy was all I had to do. I didn't have to take classes. I was okay with that. I didn't really want to face a whole bunch of mentally ill kids trying to get an education. I don't really know how I made it through here the first time. 

I laid in bed and replayed the images of the past year. I had married the most amazing person I have ever gotten the chance to meet. He was not only my best friend, but he was the love of my life. I was ashamed for what I have done. I had let down my family once again. This was it. After this, I will not be back in here. I will teach these kids how to get over this. How to be strong. How to make themselves happy though everything.