Broken Promises

Chapter 3

        I passed my locker with a sinking feeling. My friends weren't waiting there for me. My friends didn't bother to text me. They didn't reply or answer my calls. I really messed up again. But, I don't have a right to be angry, do I? I did this to myself. I let myself get this low. I should have listened when they said to call. I should have trusted Travis with my life. I did before. How could they leave though? How could they walk out of my life knowing I'm broken. How could they wake up and know that I was sitting at home broken in pieces? 

        I walked into math only to see Travis sitting somewhere else. Was my presence a bother to him now, too? How could I hurt the boy I loved? How could I break him into pieces? I sat down in my seat and took out my notebook. I wasn't paying attention to the whisperes and stares. They must know something is wrong because I'm not sitting with Travis. They must see the blood stained skin. They must feel the broken heart inside my empty body. I feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind. Crinkled and torn. 

        My mind flickered to the days of the summer. After I got out of the hospital. The long nights at my house, in Travis's arms. The talks. The laughter. The cries. They joyful moments. My mind wandered to the one night that I don't think I will ever forget. I let my eyes close and my mind wonder. 

        We were sitting in my rooom. I had another empty feeling. I sat down on the bed and ran my hands through my hair. I felt a shudder and I fought back the tears. I had a rough day. My mind kept wandering through the empty memories. Travis put an arm around my shoulder and I relaxed into his embrace. He kissed my head. 

        "Are you okay?" He asked. 

       "I honestly don't know. I want to break down, but-" I trailed off. 

        "But, the tears won't fall." I looked up at him and nodded. 

        "Are you scared?" It was quiet for a few moments. 

        "Yeah," 

        "Scared of what?" I wanted to run away. To hide forever. I never wanted to face my fears. 

        "Of loosing you. Of loosing this fight. Of loosing my friends. Of being alone. Of dissapointing you." I felt a stabbing pain in my stomach. I looked down at the ground. His eyes bore into my bare back as he was lost in thought. 

        "I love you, Alice." That was the first time those words have ever left his mouth. "You could never ever dissapoint me. I've been in love with you since I met you. I am so glad I met you. You have brought brighter days. Happier laughter. Bigger smiles." I felt tears pour down my face and land on my legs as the words sank in.

        "I love you too," He put a finger under my chin and cupped my cheek with the other. He kissed the tears on my cheeks. He made his way to my lips and my hands got tangled into his hair. 

        "Alice," Lizzie woke me up from my day dream. I wiped my eyes and realized that they were wet with tears. I was crying? 

        "Yes?" 

        "I'm not mad at you. Everyone makes mistakes. Were still friends." At least I had someone. 

       _________________________________________________________________________

        It's been a month. My heart isn't getting fixed. My friends won't talk to me. And I keep remenencing on the past. Hannah and Travis started dating and my heart keeps breaking. I want them back. I want him back. I keep thinking about what I did. I keep thinking about all those times I told him I trusted him. All the intament moments. I want that boy back. I want that girl back. I want the friends and the laughter. The happy and the sad. The angry and the sarcasm. I wanted it all back.