[ sam's pov ]
guilt. that's all i can feel.
everything is my fault. charlie is like this because of me. seeing him hurt is so painful, i wish there's something i could do.
they don't even let me see him anymore. he's on room 93, which means he is bad, very bad.
i've only been once on that room. and it was the worst moment of my entire stay here.
i was going through one of my dark moments. i don't like remembering it, i'm glad i have been able to put that behind me.
but that room only makes everything worse. you're trapped inside four white walls. at first youre tied to the bed, but as the days go by they let you free. there's nothing to do other than think. you think, you talk to yourself, you scream, you let your rage out and after that there's only calm. and all that you do it with doctors spying on you through the next room walls. of course when it's over you feel so much better, but it's a terrible thing to go through anyways.
knowing how bad is to be there makes this so hard, i feel the urge to run into the room and let him free. they say they don't know how much time he's going to be there. that's the worst part. i can only wait until he gets better. i keep going there to watch him with the doctors, i want to be there for him, even if he doesn't know it.
i can't wait until all of this is over. it has only been a week since it happened, but it seems like an eternity.
* * *
'sam, sam!' someone keeps knocking at my door impatiently.
i just came out of the shower, the first one i take since everything happened.
i haven't been able to sleep or eat much either.
i quickly get dressed while the person keeps knocking at the door.
'luke!' i yell at him when i open the door ready to kill him for being so annoying 'what the hell...?'
'it's charlie' he cuts me off.
'what happened?' my heart starts racing, i'm hoping for good news but you can tell by luke's face they aren't good at all.
'they are letting him out today' he says.
'oh my god' i sigh relieved 'i need to see him'
i get out of my room but luke stops me before i even take the first step.
'there's something else you should know'
he takes me back to my room and makes me sit on a chair.
'you're scaring me' i try to make it sound like a joke to lighten the mood but he doesn't laugh. something is wrong.
'charlie's name isn't really charlie, it's michael' he starts saying.
i open my mouth to talk but he rises his finger so i let him continue.
'he's squizophrenic since he was 12, he sees things that aren't real, and he won't be able to say what is real and what isn't, which will make him miserable'
'what's going happen now?' i mumble scared of the answer i might get.
'we don't know that' he says concerned 'he could learn to notice if something is real or not and be okay with this or let the fear take over him and loose it'
i don't answer. i don't know what to say.
'there's something we need you to do, can you come with me now or do you want some time to think?' luke says with a soft voice.
'i-i'll go'
he takes my hand and leads me through the halls.
'how did she took the news?' i overhear dr. thomson whispering to luke when we get to the doctors' office right next to room 93.
'she's still in shock i think, she hasn't said a word since i told her' luke answers.
i hear them talking but all i can do is stare at charl... michael. he's lying on the bed asleep, peaceful. i don't want him to wake up to this nightmare, his own mind is playing with him. i can't imagine what he's going through right now.
eventually he wakes up. i don't know how much time has gone by since i get here, but i don't care.
'sam' dr. thompson calls me 'we need you to go inside'
i look at him confused 'why?'
'we want you to be the first person he sees, we want to observe his reaction'
i nod and walk to the door. i nervously breath a few times before i open it slowly.
<< we need you to stay calmed all the time, talk slowly and in low voice, try not to scare him >> i hear dr. thompson's voice replay in my head.
'sam?' his bloodshot eyes are wide open and his voice comes out high-pitched and scared.
'hi charlie'
he smiles at me and runs to hug me, something that i really wasn't expecting.
'sam i'm scared' he cries hugging me tighter.
'i know charlie, but i'm here now' i try to calm him down.
'i don't even know if you're real'
i pull off the hug to look at him in the eyes.
'i am real' i assure him but he doesn't look convinced 'charlie, i swear i'm real'
my voice is shaking now. this can't be happening, he has to believe me, i need him to know i'm here.
'doesn't this seem real to you?' i ask right before connecting our lips togehter.
he pulls away after a while.
'okay okay' he's out of breath but he's smiling 'i believe you'
i laugh relieved and then i lean to kiss him again.
'i'm glad you're back' i say.
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hiii i don't have school today so i felt like updating >.<
soo how are you guys? I never talk to you, how's your life? I hope you're all doing fine, i love youuu xx
