Letters to Niall

three

dear niall,

"time doesn't heal, it just leaves me asking why."

i heard this quote today, and it got me thinking; maybe you thought that if we had some time separated that things would be better? but the truth is, it doesn't. it only makes things 10x worse. i just want to know why you didn't say goodbye. was i that awful of a companion?

so today i saw you on tv. you had a big smile, but it didn't seem real. and your eyes, they weren't the sparkly blue that i had come to love. it looked like you were missing something. like deep inside, you were sad; maybe like me.

or maybe i'm just seeing things. you always did find me a little crazy. but it looked like i was the only one to notice the missing gleam in your eyes.

and i guess that's one of the few things you seemed to have interest in me for. i was able to tell if you were hurting and i was able to help you. i never really knew what you saw in me. my stomach and thighs are too big for my size, my eyes are too dark to tell they are actually blue, my face is too chubby, my arms are too scrawny, my nose is too big, my hair too frizzy, and the list goes on and on. it's not just my looks that are awful, but what's inside too. i'm a stubborn, stressed, sad, stupid, corrupted, annoying, selfish, and that list also goes on.

i am definitely far from perfect, but you, you seemed quite perfect yourself. you have such a carefree attitude, you don't worry about things to come. you help people with their own troubles. you're caring, sweet, funny, enthusiastic, stubborn, cute, responsible (sometimes), polite, loving, and just straight out amazing. don't even get me started on your looks; the way your blonde hair is always ruffled messily, but it still looks good, your pink lips that make me want to kiss you a thousand times every time I set my eyes on them, your cute little nose with your small freckles, your not too big body frame, but also not too small, and your eyes. oh, how I love your eyes. they sparkle and shine when you see something that amazes you. they are the perfect color; a mixture between light and dark blue. every time i look into them, i feel as if i'm looking straight into the beautiful ocean.

that was not the reason I broke down crying my eyes out during that interview. it was the question and how you answered.

i know love is complicated. i know how hard it is to say you were truly in love, but i felt like we had some kind of connection, to the least.

you may remember this, or you might not, but it will stay in my memory forever. as soon as the interviewer asked that simple question, "have you ever loved anyone?" my eyes shot open wide as I waited for your response. all you said was, "honestly, no."

honestly no.

no.

what is love, anyway?

i seem to not know anymore.

oh niall, you truly are my everything, and it feels so strange that your gone. it's been about a year and a half now; a year and a half of crying myself to sleep, feeling lonely every single moment of every single day, and being sad about everything.

did you forget me? did you find another girl? are you happier now?

i see all of these rumors of you with these other girls, they're models. i can't help but look at them with envy. of course you like them more than me. i'm not even worth your time. i was so stupid to think you ever loved a girl like me. i'm nowhere near as pretty as them.

but my dear niall, I just wish for you to be happy. i would give my whole world for you to be happy and smiling. everyone deserves to see that amazing smile of yours. it truly can make anyone's day better.

i miss you.

forever yours,
addison

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I guess these chapters are just short in general because they are letters to a someone who I hope you've figured out already.

buuuuuut...

maybe if I start asking questions people will start commenting, so here we go:

What was the last lie you told?

my answer:
'yeah I totally understand'

comment your answers!

also

VOTE//COMMENT//FOLLOW//TELL ME ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU LOVE NIALL IDK

OOH AND LEAVE FEEDBACK PLEASE

I loves yous alls

-em