Letters to Niall

ten

Walking down the narrow street filled with people now seemed strange. Being locked up in my room for the past few weeks made everything look different. It's like I'm able to notice more of the details around me.

I sat down on a nearby bench and soaked it all in. A woman talked loudly into her phone as she rushed down the sidewalk. A couple pushing a stroller of two babies made their way across the street without hesitation, their lives seeming as perfect as ever. A man in shorts and a t-shirt jogged past me, music blaring from his headphones.

This was the park where we would go everyday after school.

do it.

do it now.

I flinched as the voices screamed at me. They sounded the same as always; cruel and demanding.

now is perfect.

no one will even notice.

Trying to escape them has never easy.
Trying to prove them wrong was even harder.

Standing up, I let my feet take me wherever they want. My mind feels numb.

do it.

do it.

They repeat the same things over and over, making me want to scream; but for once I am calm.

He was always there to help, to make them stop.

He made them go away.

He's gone.

He's never loved you.

How could he ever love someone like you?

My heart feels like it's beating faster than a speeding train.

you're worthless.

you're afraid.

you're alone.

My feet finally come to a stop. The sight in front of me brings the thought of him back.

I stand over the small cliff where we would have picnics, write songs, and just enjoy each other's presence.

But now, it all feels empty.

The happy thoughts and feeling that we're shared here, are gone.

Lost forever.

you could end it all.

right here.

They sound calm now, almost reassuring.

My feet make their way to the edge.

you'll be free.

My eyes fill with tears, my last thought is of him. His eyes, the way they would shine, his hair, the way it would fall perfectly, his laugh, how it would ring in my ears, his warm embrace, the way he would hold me when I was upset. All of these were the things that made me happy.

He made me happy.

He's gone.

With the sweet memory of him trailing in my mind, my feet leave the ground and I close my eyes, waiting for peace to come among me at last.

Then it all goes black.

_______________________________________

okay this is the last chapter :((
but there is going to be an epilogue so yay

this may have been a very sad ending but this is what I had planned so sorry.

as you may have been able to tell, Addison had Schizophrenia which is a mental illness where you hear voices inside your head. The words in italics in this chapter are the voices

please do not think of this story as a story in real life. This story is Fiction.

if you have any problems with depression or anything like that please message me. (DM is always open)

suicided and self harming are not the answer

if you have any questions or if you are confused in any way feel free to comment and I'll clear that up for you.

my love for you is greater than my love for food (which is a lot)

-em