The Girl Who Writes On Maple Leaves

still in the past

POV : Naeesah Khan

"You are and always be a bitch.
What do you think huh ? That you are perfect?
That I don't understand what is going on ?
I know what you are doing and as soon as you just try to desobey me i will kill you , bitch"
He said with a knife close to my throat. I tried to find a place , a door to escape but it was similar to a limbo. Loop. I started to cry as if something is killing me inside. As if i know i will die by his hands . I was in my room and everything was uspidedown. He desteoyed everything just to get me. Just like a beast you can't control.
He was my worst nightmare.
I wanted to escape. I couldn't breath damn it. 

"Go away. You are not real" i whispered ,
"What did you say? Have the courage to say that again. SAY IT " he shouted ,
"Go AWAY" i shouted while his knife cut my throat.

I woke up sweating. I was burning and shouting.

My mum came as soon as possible and took me into her arms. I started to cry so loudly that i think all the house arround ours heared me.

"Another Nightmare" she asked,
"I fought this time, Ma. This time he killed me" ,

Everytime when i dream about him, my ex, I couldn't fight him it was eating me inside like something I can't explain. 

My mum then decided to take me to a psychologist and for the first month I cried every meeting and it was so hard for me. That first month was the moment where I kept dreaming of him and everytime I escaped, even if the psycho told me to let him kill me , but I was so scared , scared to stop breathing. 
"The doctor said that when you won't be scared the action he will do will set you free. Remember" ,
"Yes, but my heart still aches for how much it was scaring " ,
"I know, but Allah is with you right?" ,
"Yes , mum , always" and i looked at her into her worried eyes and gave her a forehead kiss  to calm her down , cause even i told her i was ok she's always worried. She is a mum after all.
"Mums are angels that Allah sends to protect us. I am lucky to have you" i said before she leaves with a smile.
Before she leaves she said " You always loved nights cause is silent and calm. Take you canva and your acrylic colors. Pain, baby , paint" , and just after she closed the door  i sat  and took my brushes , and my tears while falling down my cheeks , i painted with shades of black, white and gold.

When world aren't enough , colors speak louder , so much that when sun was kissig my skin with a sweet torture I fell on my knees and dried eyes looked in front of me , emotional.

Junaid's portrait was looking at me. I started crying again. I was a chaotic girl and I didn't want to ruin Junaid's life.

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