𝙍𝙀𝘿 // 𝘽𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙄𝙀 𝙀𝙄𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙃 𝙁𝘼𝙉𝙁𝙄𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

i ignore

blue

"hi angel." billie said startling me, i didn't realize she came in. "sorry, did i starle you?" she kissed my forehead.

"come here, i miss you." i lifted my blanket off my body so billie could climb into the bed. once she did, i covered the both of us and billie rested her head on my chest.

"i love you much, why can't love just keep you alive?" she said.

"i love more than you can ever imagine... you know, death used to scare me a lot actually, but i'm not scared of it anymore. in fact getting my eyelashes pulled out by my eyelash curler scared me more, but guess what? i don't have eyelashes anymore. also i'm bald with no eyebrows, never thought i'd die ugly."

"you're not ugly, shush." she sniffled.

"why is everyone trying to shush me today?" i let out a small laugh.

"can we get our last goodbyes over with so i can cuddle you in peace please?" she asked.

"okay." i nodded and took a shaky breath in and a shaky breath out.  "get revenge from sean."

"what?" she lifted her head of my chest and look at me.

"i know you've always wanted to do that, and he's dangerous billie, he shouldn't be allowed to walk free on earth. get revenge, i know you want to. get those years back by taking even more of his." i told her.

"only if you promise that you'll be with me if there's a way to, on the other side." she said.

"i promise." i lifted up my pinky and linked it with hers. "i want you to find love again, i want you to be happy when i'm not there. i don't mean that, oh you'll never fall in love again because i'm your soulmate and there is no one like me, i'm saying this because i know you and i know you're going to avoid it at all costs."

"exactly, you're the person i planned to live the whole rest of my life with i don't see myself with anyone if it's not with you. so what's the point of wasting my time?" she drew circles onto my arm.

"you can't be single forever billie."

"yes i can." she disagreed.

"listen to me you brat." my voice cracked. "if there is some sort of after life out there i will find you someday and if i can haunt people i'll haunt you, or maybe just check up on you once in a while i gotta scare the shit out of random strangers and people i hate because it's fun. don't you dare have a kid and name them after me, name them a name that is a color like mine like sage or something or just name them some random shit i don't care, just please not my name. get all the dogs you want, get the house you wanted us to live in, grow that little garden of yours, have the life you wanted to have with me. just because i'm not there doesn't mean you have to change your plans. don't cry too much over me it's not worth it, where ever i end up, i'll be okay."

"that was impressive, saying all that without pausing for a mini cry." she avoided commenting on what i said.

"i know." i said, now crying.

"i regret not telling you i love you sooner because i love you way too much it should be illegal."

"i don't want you to have any regrets that concern me, because it doesn't even matter. it really doesn't, like, i love you and you love me and we always will whatever we did in the past that we aren't exactly proud of doesn't matter because in the end everything ends and it's all black. so why waste our time regretting things?"

"girl- shut up, i regret a lot of shit everyday."

"i do regret not fucking you more though." i smirked.