✧*̥˚ Crashing and Burning *̥˚✧
"Hi, Lia. I've missed you."
I avoid facing him.
"Didn't seem like it."
"What do you mean?"
"You never reached out. It's been months, Josh, and I haven't heard anything from you."
"I know, Lia, and I'm sorry, but I'm ready to talk."
"Stop. It's my turn to talk. You don't get to decide when to walk into my life and out. That's not fucking fair, Josh!"
"I know, Lia. I-"
"SHUT UP! I don't wanna hear you talk; I hate you right now!"
He grimaces at my words.
I can tell I hurt him.
He's standing in the eye of my rampage, and I was raging.
Spitting out flaming bullets, and he was my target.
Three of those particular words hit the bullseye; right in his heart.
I wish I could take it back to say sorry, but I can't.
I can't stop myself.
I've been overcome with emotions, and right now, all I see is red.
He left me.
And nothing I say will hurt worst than that.
Just like nothing, he says will ease the pain.
My mouth spreads into a cynical grin.
"Oh, did I hurt your feelings? Now you know how it feels to be burnt with no explanation!"
I want to cry.
My eyes burn, and tears threaten to spill out, but I blink them back.
I'll be damned if he sees me cry.
For a moment, I feel really bad for him.
I don't recognize myself, so I know he doesn't either.
The old Julia wouldn't hesitate to stop.
To kiss him and makeup.
But I don't know who that is anymore, and it kills me.
Because as much as he hurt me, I don't wanna lose him.
Not again.
I suffered enough those few months without him; I couldn't dare phantom a lifetime.
"I love you, Julianna. I wanted to work things out, but that doesn't look like it'll pan out. I'll see you around, Julia."
He turns on his heels and hits the top of the doorframe on his way out.
That's when I crumble.
I want to chase after him to beg him to stay, but I can't.
If he had burnt me, then I had done way worse.
I had burnt him to the ground and watched him go up in flames with a smile.
I don't know what to do or say.
Guess it doesn't matter now that I'm alone.
I whisper through my sobs, "I'm so sorry," repeatedly.
Crying out to anyone who may be listening.
But that's just it no one was because I burnt all the bridges to all those who loved me.
And for the first time in months, I realized I wasn't sharing my pain with others to alleviate my burden.
I was tripling the pressure by isolating myself.
I had set my world ablaze, and now I'm watching it all come crumbling down.
Ashes.
Ashes.
They all fall down.
