Subterranean | H.S.

S37

Persephone's pov

Harry parks right under the club, waiting for me to step out of the car. 

He waited until I got dressed and after that, he continued the ride so we got a chance to make it in one piece. 

I was biting my nails the rest of the way and at this point, one of them is bleeding and I hiss from the pain. The drive was so fast for me, I was caught up in my own little world the whole time. 

Because we both know that your boyfriend is a piece of shit and you deserve better than that.

I don't know, do we? Is he really?

It's not remorse that I'm feeling. It's the fact that this might be the truth. He's a second person after Riley who told me that and somehow it hit me, it really did. More than Riley's words. Partly because I've known her for so long and she knows Jack. She could have opportunities to make up her mind, but Harry? He doesn't know him. He barely knows anything and said it. And it sounded so truthful to me, but should it? Is the only reason why I treat him the way I do, me falling for the imagination of what I can have? Right now I don't even know if that's really what I think or if I agree or not. Maybe the only reason why I think Harry's right is because I want it to be that way, so I won't be a bad girlfriend in my own eyes. But no matter what I do it's always going to be there, in my head.

''Hey, you okay?'' He turns the engine off and I wake up from the trance, shaking my head.

''I.'' 

I take a deep breath in, thinking about it. Right now I'm okay, but I don't feel fine. The moment I come home and see Jack, what's going to happen? Am I going to break and tell him? I haven't done that yet, but Harry said he wouldn't call that cheating. 

I'm doing it again. I can't think something's right just because another person thinks that way. It doesn't matter if it's Harry or Jack. I'm brainwashed into thinking that men are spitting facts, but they're not. I have to get over myself.

''I think so.'' I look at his face hidden in the darkness, holding my hands on my thighs. ''I don't know. I'm scared.'' I close my eyes and rest my head on the headrest. 

I'm already over an hour late, but I don't care as long as this will make me feel better.

''Of what?'' He asks and the question warms my chest. It's been ages since I talked to someone who cares and I need that. I need that but especially now. 

''You always know what to say, don't you?'' I open my eyes and turn my body to face him, pressing my temple against the headrest. 

He snorts at my question and smiles. ''I don't think I do. Don't avoid answering my questions.'' He scolds me.

''Sorry.'' I flatten my lips and look down after saying it. I'm apologizing all the time. 

''Do you feel bad about it?'' He turns to face me with his whole body as well and I smile to myself. He's too nice, this is too nice. Something's not right.

''I don't know how I feel. I've always been the person who's hurt by such behavior, not the one that's causing the pain. I know how hurtful it is and I didn't mean to do it.'' I hear him inhaling the air deeply. ''What?''

He wets his lips and puts his hand on his neck. ''You still want to be with him?'' 

I open my mouth at his words but nothing comes out. 

''You're scared because you're afraid of his reaction. Because you want to tell him and you expect him to forgive you.'' It doesn't sound like a question. It's a statement. ''Don't you?'' There's something bitter in his words. He can't be- he wouldn't.

''What do you expect me to do?'' I narrow my brows and speak a little bit too loud. ''Am I supposed to be quiet and act as if nothing happened? The dance was just a dance, but t-this?'' I point between us. ''This is wrong. This is not just a dance. This could've gone the worst possible way.'' I feel the anger in me. It was stupid to risk my relationship just to feel that way toward him.

''Hold up.'' He furrows his brows and puts his hand between us. ''This is wrong?'' He asks and I close my mouth, nodding. ''But him cheating on you and bea-.'' He stops mid-answer and I open my eyes wider. His eyes jump right at mine, observing my reaction. ''But him cheating on you and being a bad boyfriend is fine?'' He corrects himself, but I know exactly what he wanted to say. ''This could've gone the worst way?'' He continues. ''Having sex is the worst possible way for you?''

''You-'' I don't know what to say. He knows, he's aware of things I don't want him to be aware of.

He said it like he's sure of it. There's no way. He wouldn't do that. 

''Me? Don't tell me that it's my fault.'' He puffs the air through his nose. ''You kissed me first. You did it twice. You wanted me to do it.''

''How do you know that?'' I stop his words. I feel the heat hitting my face. 

He shakes his head. ''Know what?''

He has to be acting right now cause I can't believe he's that dumb.

''How do you know what my boyfriend is doing to me?'' My eyes tear up.

I hear the walls collapsing. I feel it all crush and crumble into tiny pieces. I trusted him. I was so naive to think that he was just nice to me. Is he doing all of this because he feels bad for me? What else does he know? How much of him do I really know and what part of it have I seen? Nice people don't walk around hospitals with guns. 

We don't have a long history. We don't know much about each other, but I trusted him enough to let him drive me. He visited Arnie and bought him that book. That's not possible. He was the only thing that was stable for me when everything was going down. He made me feel safe and he was talking to me to make me feel better. 

It was all just an act. My life is an act. Nothing's real.

''I don't. You told me that he cheated on you, that's all.'' He shrugs his shoulders, acting like everything's fine. 

''I never told you he-'' I can't even say those words out loud. 

I feel ashamed. I feel naked. I feel betrayed. 

I stare at him, pouting my lips, confused. He's lying to me. I never told him that. Has he seen the bruises? Has he seen something else? Has someone told him that?

''No.'' I whisper and break the eye contact, grabbing my bags. ''No.'' I'm sick of people treating me that way. 

I have to get out of here and get a chance to breathe. I have to get away from him. I've never felt more embarrassed. I'm not ready to have this conversation. We shouldn't even think about having this conversation. He's not my friend, boyfriend, or anything else. He's just a guy I kissed because I got an opportunity to feel close to someone I was feeling safe with. He's just a person I met by accident. He's no one. 

''Persephone, what are you-''

''You did it all because you were feeling bad for me? You knew and you-'' I shake my head. ''He's a good person, Harry. I love him. You know nothing about us, about me.'' Harry shakes his head dramatically. ''I thought I could trust you.''

''You can trust me.'' He wants to touch my arm, but I move away, opening the door.

''Don't lie to me and don't wait for me. I'll get home by myself.''

//

A little bit of drama before the most important and awaited chapters...