Subterranean | H.S.

S31

Harry's pov

It's almost two in the morning and I sit in my car, chewing on my gum and drumming my fingers over the steering wheel to an imaginary beat. 

I hadn't gotten a single minute of sleep after I got that message from her and went home. I was trying, rolling from side to side, dressing, and undressing, thinking I might be too hot or cold. I finally gave up and decided to clean my place. It felt like ages, but in reality, it was just a moment. I'm always trying to keep things clean, so there's not much to clean every time. I usually don't have time for such things, but this time it's different. So after I was done I turned my computer on and decided to dig a little bit, just to find absolutely nothing. This guy is on thin ice with me.

Then around one, I got a message, saying that she'll be done with whatever she was doing and it'd be nice if I'd be there before the clock hit the next hour. I answered, obviously, letting her know that I'm up. And right now I'm here. 

I don't know what I'm so fucking excited about, but for fuck's sake I must be. It feels like I'm so stressed that my stomach's turning and I can't sleep. I feel like I'm back in high school, stressing before a stupid fucking test. 

There're still so many people at the club. There're so many of them, but none of them catches my sight.

I look at my phone, wondering if I maybe got a message that I haven't noticed, but there's nothing. 

''Come on.'' I speak to myself and look around. 

Minutes go by and it's past two. I'm thinking about whether I should go and get her, but she's safe in there, as far as I know. 

At some point, my hand pressed over the door handle and I'm about to go out and get her, but I notice her walking, talking to someone. The conversation doesn't last long and I sit back correctly.

With a smile on her face, she walks closer to the car. I smile back at her, knowing damn well that she can't see me. But still, she smiles, because she knows I can see her. 

She looks genuinely happy, but whether she really is or not, I can't tell. From what I know she's quite an actress. 

I know that I pushed it way too far before, but I just can't help myself. I can't stop myself from wanting to tell her everything that she should know right now, but I can't. That would be random and I'm definitely not the right person to tell her about that. Someone else should, but I know that's never going to happen. But there's only a certain amount of time I will be able to hold some of the secrets in myself. When you see a happy soul, you just want to keep the bad things away from it, wanting to protect it with everything that you have. But when you look at it from the other side you want to tell it the truth, secretly wishing that it's not going to hurt it, because it doesn't deserve to have things held against itself. It's all about choices and I'm about to make the hardest ones.

Only time will make me the right person if the person who's the right one right now won't move a single finger.

''Hi.'' She opens the door and speaks to me. Her voice is quiet, but it sounds like she's comfortable. She must be exhausted after work. To be honest, I'd be if I'd have to deal with people all the fucking time. But somehow she likes it. Good for her.

''Hi.'' 

Seriously? 'Hi'? Are we really going back to high school?

''How was it?'' I ask, actually curious if everything went the way she wanted it to. 

She throws her bags on the floor, sitting in her place. ''It was good. Everything wa-'' She's cut off by a ringtone and she violently turns her head to look at me. I get scared by her action and open my eyes wider. 

''Are you-''

''I'm so sorry.'' She apologizes to me, searching for her phone. ''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.'' Her hands shake as she holds the phone in her left hand. 

I want to tell her that everything's fine, but she's the one to speak first again.

''I'll be right back. I'm sorry.'' She doesn't even look at me and gets out of the car.

''What the fuck? Didn't mean to what?'' I say to myself, running my fingers through my hair. I can't actually fucking believe that he made her feel sorry for every little thing she has no control over. 

Oh, he's fucking dead.

I observe as she brings the phone to her ear. She's walking in circles and I can't say if she's acting like that because of how she reacted to the call in my presence or the call itself. It wouldn't be that boyfriend now, would it? 

She's barely speaking, she just nods her head, listening. At some point, she stops and my heart stops as well. 

I take a breath, feeling like it's the longest, last breath of my life. I stare at her, feeling like I'm watching the most breathtaking performance of my life. It's like every single one of her moves has some kind of impact on my life and it's going to change everything.

But I watch as my life truly changes in front of my eyes.

She covers her face with her free hand. At that very moment, she's facing the car and I have the perfect view. 

I feel something inside me turn and without thinking I get out of the car. The hot air hits my even hotter body and it makes goosebumps appear. 

I walk fast towards her.

She still hasn't moved and it scares me.

Please.

It can be anything. 

''I'll be right there.'' She wakes up and after telling that she hangs up. Her eyes stop at me and I stop walking.

We both just stand there, in the middle of the parking lot, looking at each other. 

I'm too afraid to take the next step. I don't want to scare her, but I don't want her to feel like she's alone in whatever's happening. This is similar to when I saw her back at the hospital, but also different. This time she knows that I'm watching her.

She's too afraid to let the words slip from her tongue. The truth is always the hardest to admit, I know it. She probably doesn't know who she's going to scare more by telling what's on her mind. Me - by telling something that important to her and uncovering a piece of her that she wants to keep just to herself, or her - by realizing what's happening by repeating it. 

I wait, giving her time to speak, but nothing comes from her mouth. Instead, a single tear slips from her eye and it's like an arrow piercing right through my chest. The words are unspoken, but deep inside she understands, they don't have to be spoken to hit her.

It must look funny. Two people standing in silence, just looking at each other. It lasts less than a minute, but we are stuck in the moment and it feels like an eternity.

''Is everything okay?'' I take a slow step toward her and she's shaking her head. 

I don't really know if that's a reaction to my question or me getting closer to her, so I stop. This is not the right time to push her over the edge. This is a moment I should not be in, and as much as I don't want to admit it, I know it. She knows it as well. Even the pigeon sitting on the roof knows it. But I can't leave.

''You have to- Can you take me to the hospital?'' She corrects herself. My eyes are about to fall out from my eye sockets. 

Oh no.

I don't know any other way to go through this moment, so I do the only thing that comes to my mind.

''Yes, sure. Of course.''

//