The universe began, scientists believe, with every speck of its energy jammed into a very tiny point. This extremely dense point exploded with unimaginable force, creating matter and propelling it outward to make the billions of galaxies of our vast...
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Ensign Scrudbucket stood outside the entrance to the Mothership's Big Bang Simulator, listening in on the latest training session while he finished mopping up the mess on the floor from the last training session.
"When will my nose stop bleeding?"
That was Sherla Dernsby, one of the cadets selected for the mission. She was a total lightweight. Scrudbucket had no idea why he'd been passed over and she'd been selected. Scrudbucket had nosebleeds at least twice a day—deliberately. He could handle anything the BBS could throw at him. Scrudbucket was half-tempted to barge in and demand to be put on the team—except he was on his third and final warning for doing stuff like that, and Captain Jinnis said the other mothertroopers had threatened to abandon him on a lone star if he tried anything like it again.
Which was fine by Scrudbucket. He had a mission of his own in mind.
Phase one was pretending like he was just doing his regular cosmic-janitorial duties aboard the Ooorah Mothership. Which he did, half-assedly smearing soapy vomit-water every which way. The floors looked terrible. Class let out, and a rush of excited spacetroopers flowed around him.
Scrudbucket flopped the mop around for another ten minutes. Just to be safe.
Then he snuck inside the Big Bang Simulator. That was phase two.
The room was shaped like a hexagon. At each point there were stations where groups of trainees would strap themselves into special safety boxes, wear special safety goggles and mouthguards, and prepare to feel the full force of the Big Bang inside their brains.
Scrudbucket had tried the BBS once. He'd come out of it with a nasty headache and a limp that had lasted a week.
He scanned the room and spotted Professor Noseby using one of the simulators without a mouthguard, getting some dental work done. He crept past the simulation units and into the back room—that's where the real Big Bangs were kept.
Phase three. Steal a Big Bang, which were portable and conveniently enclosed in a suitcase-sized and -style container. Scrudbucket literally sang and danced his way into the back room, eager as a robo-beaver with loose ball bearings.
Upon seeing what else was in the back room, he immediately stopped singing and dancing.
Sherla's nose hadn't stopped bleeding. With her head tipped back and blood dripping down her chin, the cadet sat slumped against a couple of the Big Bangs, which were all neatly arranged next to the wall, side by side, with their carrying handles up. She didn't appear to notice Scrudbucket. He tiptoed to the Big Bang at the end closest to him and the door, reached out for the handle, pulled, and tugged it on out of there.
He hadn't actually thought of a phase four to his plan. But as Scrudbucket walked the ship's corridors with his Big Bang in tow, he realized he should probably get off the ship before he used it. From what he remembered of the simulator, a Big Bang caused a huge explosion.
So he headed to the teleporters, experiencing very little in the way of resistance or even traffic. It was like he was on a ghost ship, which the Ooorah Mothership definitely was not. Randall was meant to be manning the teleporters today, but even he was off duty. The control booth was empty. Scrudbucket would be reporting him to Captain Jinnis. And you know what? He'd be reporting everyone else, too.
He punched in the coordinates for New Tokyo, one of the biggest cities on Earth-2. It was funny: Normally the ship's teleporter only allowed you to select existing destinations on the ship, but today it allowed you to travel thousands of light-years away. Maybe some upgrades had taken place?
Scrudbucket shrugged and wheeled the Big Bang into the teleporter with him. He felt that familiar warmth come over him. Then the teleporter room faded away, while concurrently the New Tokyo Airport faded in. Agents worked the phones. Security walked around. Travellers roamed, sat, waited, ate—you name it, they did it. The airport was abuzz with activity, smells and sounds.
Reaching out for the handle of the Big Bang, Scrudbucket felt nothing but air. He panicked and paced and searched high and low for the container.
He heard a sudden thud behind him.
He turned to see the Big Bang sitting in the middle of the floor.
