𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐓 / 𝐌𝐔𝐋𝐓𝐈

quinze

-- -- -- Jun Switz -- -- --

'sadness is creeping up on me like death would a sick man. it's consuming me and i know i shouldn't let it. i'm aware of the feeling so i don't know why i'm so nervous i guess.. i don't know what words to say that will make it better, i want to cry and stay here forever. it's like family here and i don't feel out of place. i don't want to be alone again. especially after such a great experience here it just doesn't feel right to put myself in an isolated environment. i just miss my mom and dad and now that i have something close to that i don't wanna leave. fuck im barely making sense to my self. i've gotta go now ksenia is coming upstairs.'

i click my pen down and tuck my journal into my carry-on bag. i really didn't want to leave. everything here was amazing. maybe once i settled down i would come back.

sighing i stood up from my bed and stared at the glowing fairy lights covered by the sheer tulle fabric. they were so calming and helped me sleep at night. i grabbed the teddy bear i cuddled with and gently squeezed it into my chest.

ksenia tapped her knuckles against the door. "ready konfetka?"

sadly i bobbed my head. all my luggage was downstairs already. "mhm." i placed the bear down and grabbed my bag.

she held the door open for me and i walked out the room.

usually i could leave without looking back but this time it felt like i was leaving so much behind. still, i willed myself not to do it. my eyes watered as i slowly descended the stairs, ksenia not to far behind me.

in the car, i couldn't help it, as we drove i was glued to the window. my fingers were pressed to the glass as i looked at the house disappear behind the horizon. when i turned around tears were streaming down my face.

evgeni frowned at me. "jun don't cry." he whispered, pulling me closer to him.

i laid my head on his shoulder, sniffling quietly. "i'm gonna miss it here, just everything you know?"

the boy patted my back softly. "we'll miss you too."

at the airport i was a mess. i didn't want to let go of ksenia even as my flight was called for boarding.

"juniper," she said sternly, although she was still squeezing me. "you'll miss your flight."

i was sobbing, snot nearly coming out my nose. "i know i just-"

evgeni slowly removed me from ksenia. "i'll walk with you."

"i love you guys so much." i said as i wiped my nose. "thank you for allowing me to stay with you and taking care of me-"

"you're one of us, okay?" aleksandr smiled.

ksenia reached into her purse pulling out the teddy bear i had earlier. "here you keep it."

i hugged her and aleks one last time, "i'll never forget you guys."

evgeni ushered me on.

as we walked away, i started crying again and looking back every couple of feet. ksenia blew kisses and i waved sadly.

finally when we got to where i needed to board evgeni embraced me. "you're a sweet girl, stop running away from whatever it is you're running from, it's not doing you any good."

i nodded desperately, clinging to him.

"go before you miss your plane."

"bye geni."

"bye jun."

i felt like i was leaving a huge piece of myself in moscow. an empty feeling settled in my chest as i took my seat in first class.

money couldn't buy me happiness, i knew that, so instead i settled for a glass of champagne to cry over.

liked by hyuhyu and 4,891 other
karlousgirlfriend // leaving russia :/ actually very sad, i love everything about it and i wish i could stay forever. a large part of my hearts been left there but i'll go back eventually. i think its my soul place. rn im on a flight to france. i have a layover in germany and then i'm boarding for paris :) my friend lives near there and i know i'll be very happy to see her. i wont be alone so it's great.

{comments}
user1 u didn't stay in russia v long
>> karlousgirlfriend no but i want to move there once im settled :)
user2 how long will you be in france??
>> karlousgirlfriend idk, a while perhaps. my next trip isnt til later in the year