You know the sad part
I grew up so fast
Physically and mentally
It's not just feeling left out for a while
It's watching everyone you love stay young and innocent
They watch with admiration and jealousy
As you get boobs, hips, height, your first period
Then with confusion
As they see your eye bags, unwashed hair
Then with disgust
As they see your bedroom, unbrushed teeth
Then with pity
As they watch you stop eating, cover up
Then with fear
As they see you only wear long sleeves
Then with horror
Months later when you tell them the truth
The pain of that judgement
No one talks about the pain of watching everyone you love, be you
Live out your timeline
Make all your mistakes
Go through all your struggles
But they don't listen
And I don't know what to say
Hearing them talk of it
I can relate to every feeling
I've been through it all
It feels selfish to say
But it feels so unfair
And it's hard recovering from things
When everyone around you is developing and romanticising it
It's a slippery slope
And they don't even realise they've got the Disneyland fast pass
When you go through this at a normal age
You get support
School gives you accommodations
Your parents don't call you lazy, selfish
Everyone hears you, and helps you
Meanwhile I was stuck
Being told off for zoning out, being messy, scatterbrained, anxious, eating too much or too little, being weird, an old crackly boned woman
Having all this extra responsibility on my shoulders
To make sure you never felt how I was feeling
Texting you every morning
Being understanding, kind, patient
I don't get it
Then I realise, you didn't understand
You were a kid
Why couldn't I've been a kid?
Growing up fast doesn't just entail sneaking pads into the primary school bathrooms
Getting stared at for wearing a bra in PE
It's a total social isolation,
No one even notices it
No one understands
People my age and I-
It's like a fucked up mother/ daughter relationship
The mother who is constantly told off for "mothering" and being "overprotective"
Because the daughter is in too much pain herself to acknowledge anything else
Do you see now?
Why I can "stop mothering" you
By o.p.
