I want to be an effortless girl
An easy woman
And yet I am so complicated and I can't get it
I want to be pined after
Gazed at from afar and wanted, truly wanted
Like Gilmore girls or even just a girl
I've done the straight hair, the gel nails, the clothes, the makeup, the Instagram
I don't understand
I know it's something wrong with me,
For I have never felt mutual love and I don't think I ever will
Even guys I wouldn't date in my worst nightmare don't like me
'Is it my face? My body?
He did say I was weird for working hard
Maybe it's the fact that I'm too loud
Or too quiet?'
I'm so fed up with trying to change myself to fit in, and it never working
I think I'm in a box
A box with the people I love most, and yet am secretly embarrassed of
I know it's not fair to judge
But I know what they say, what they think
Sometimes I think it's them not me,
Then I remember I am them.
Never invited, never perused, never beautiful, never normal enough to be loved
It plays with my thoughts like a child in a soft play
So tirelessly, sweat dripping down it's red cheeks
Their words act as the sugar fuelling this
And still without them I wonder what they're sneaking behind my back.
I am not bullied, but I am not accepted
There is no one to blame but myself
My own extravagant weirdness
And yet the more normal I get the more they call me basic, my friends
They all hate me now, for trying to fit in
They don't understand my yearning for normality, love, and positive attention
Maybe I just want a boy to think I'm pretty
Is that so evil?
I just want to feel normal, have a normal teenhood, experience love, something, please
Please let me be easy and normal
Please
