Over The Bridge

🧷 III

He still didn't text his friends back, but instead he fell asleep playing a game on his phone.

He wasn't sure how long he slept for but he woke up to his standing over him looking disappointed. The typical mom look, with disapproving eyes and hands on hips. Of course Yeonjun was confused because his neck was covered up, his legs were covered.. 'Fuck!' Yeonjun thought to himself as he realized his sweatshirt had rode up, revealing the cuts on his stomach, and his sleeves had been pulled down, from him rolling around in his sleep.

Yeonjun sat up and pulled his sweatshirt back down and he fixed his sleeves. "Junnie, why?" his mom asked as she had a change in attitude, and she sat down next to him and Yeonjun saw her eyes well up with tears.

"I hate myself, I hate being alive, and it's the only thing I can do without actually..." Yeonjun said quietly as he pulled his legs up to his chest.

"That's no reason you should be.. hurting yourself like you are, what's the real reason? You can talk to me,"

"Well, it does have something to do with... Beomgyu dragging me to that party..." Yeonjun said softly as he refused to look at his mom.

"Were you pressured into doing something?"

"Yeah..."

"What were you pressured into drinking, sex? Or anything else?"

Yeonjun sighed, "Drinking, drugs, and sex..."

"Oh honey," Her voice cracked as she tried to hold back her own tears. "Come here," she said softly.

Yeonjun looked over at his mom and hugged her, knowing they both needed it. Yeonjun didn't feel like crying, no he felt even more shame and wanted to die even more.

"Please, if you're having a bad day or you feel like commiting, please come talk to me, I don't want to lose another child..." She said as she hugged him tighter.

"Mom... please don't talk about Arin..." He said so quietly, Yeonjun thought she didn't hear him, but she did, and she broke the hug to look at Yeonjun. Yeonjun couldn't make eye contact, so he looked away again.

"I won't, but please don't..." That was all she said before she looked away herself.

"But, why should I go on?" Yeonjun asked as he felt himself starting to tear up.

"Junnie, you have so many people that love and care about you, how would everybody feel without you?"

"I would be doing everybody a favor, I'm just a waste of space," Yeonjun said as a tear slipped from his eye.

"Yeonjun, you aren't a waste of space, you're talented too, you've gotten emails from the big 3 companies even, you even have a fanbase, think about them too... We would all miss you, and I was already so lost, but if you... I don't know what I would do."

"You're just saying that because everybody says otherwise," Yeonjun said as another tear rolled down his face.

"Don't listen to them, they just want to get a reaction from you,"

"Well they've already gotten one," Yeonjun said. "They've seen my arms,"

"Don't give them any more of a reaction," She said softly.

"It's too late for that too, they saw me at the party and are going to be up my ass about it," Yeonjun muttered. "Plus there's probably a video from the party and probably everybody has seen it by now."

"What happened exactly?" She asked, looking at Yeonjun.

"Basically Beomgyu dragged me in, we got separated and then Kai dragged me somewhere else, I was pressured into doing coke and then smoking weed, and then drinking," Yeonjun said as he stared at the wall and felt another wave of shame flood over him. He just admited he did drugs and drank, what the fuck was he thinking. He still didn't look at his mom and then he said, barely above a whisper, "I don't want to talk about it anymore..."

"Alright honey, just know if you ever need to talk-"

"I know, I'll go to you," Yeonjun said softly as he basically stopped his mom from talking. "I'm going back to my room." Yeonjun said softly as he got up and grabbed his phone. He headed into his room and he laid on his bed and his curiosity had him see if his name had been ruined.

Numerous things popped up, some of his bio, some of his dance videos and no videos from the party. Yeonjun let out a sigh of relief and turned his phone off, knowing he should check a few times a day just to see if his name had been tarnished.

Yeonjun laid there motionless for a minute or two before he rolled to the other side of his bed to turn on his speaker. He connected it to his phone and then decided to record something to put up on YouTube. He got up and locked his door to make sure he wouldn't be interrupted and he looked at the door to his closet, which was mirrors. He looked through his playlist and decided to record Rainism by Rain. He went over the dance twice before getting his camera and putting it on the tripod.

He got everything ready and he hit the record button. He was aware he was still in his sweatpants and hoodie, but unaware of the foundation slowly coming off of his neck, as it had been all day. Even once he finished recording and was planning on editing it, he didn't notice that either, but he did notice how his stomach was shown for .1 second and a red blur was seen there. Yeonjun hoped nobody would notice it since how is he supposed to cover up .1 seconds of footage?

He uploaded the video around 5:30, he finally looked at the clock and decided he should probably go put his laundry in the dryer, since he fell asleep. He went out to the laundry room and switched it around and went back to his room. On the way to his room, he stopped suddenly and went in the opposite direction down the hall.

He wasn't sure why but he stepped into his sister's room and immediately went to her dresser. He picked up her necklace sitting on it. It was the locket. Yeonjun shook his head, was this really it? He thought she had it on when she commited, or he's seeing things. He opened up the locket and felt a tear roll down his face. He looked at it as a pained smile crept up on his face. The memories, but the pain with them.

In the locket it was a picture of Arin and Yeonjun. Yeonjun was 13, and Arin was 15. It was a picture of Arin teaching Yeonjun how to skateboard. Yeonjun had a locket, which was the same, they both had worn it wherever they went. But when Arin died, Yeonjun couldn't bring himself to wear it anymore.