Over The Bridge

🧷 XV

Taehyun really knew he shouldn't have let Yeonjun walk home alone that day. He had that gut feeling but he still let him go home alone. If only he wouldn't had let him walk alone. God all the regret. Taehyun knew he wasn't the only one who had that gut feeling too.

Beomgyu, he felt it too. When Yeonjun went to leave for the day and he walked out of their last class with Beomgyu, that's when Beomgyu got this overwhelming sense that something was wrong. He felt like something bad was going to happen and it wasn't just one of the weird vision/dream things.Yes, he did have a conversation with Yeonjun earlier that day, it was really about Beomgyu convincing Yeonjun to not kill himself. Just not yet. Beomgyu always told Yeonjun to not die without him. Even when they were little, Beomgyu made Yeonjun pinky promise they would die together. They were only 5 or 6. It was a small thing that Beomgyu suddenly remembered. That actually wasn't one of the only promises that were broken from when they were little.

"Pinky promise me, when we die, we'll go together," "Promise,"

"Pinky promise me, no matter what happens, you will go to me," "I promise,"

"Pinky promise me you'll keep him safe" "I will, I promise,"

Beomgyu always hated leaving Yeonjun alone, knowing his mental issues. But, Beomgyu proceeded to let him walk alone that day, knowing he cuts himself, knowing he was unusually happy, but not knowing that was the last time he would see his best friend.

That last one was what Beomgyu promised Arin. He realized he broke that promise, he failed to keep him safe. Beomgyu felt horrible. Everybody would act as if they loved Yeonjun, even if they were making comments to him about his scars and cuts just hours before.

Again, out of everybody, Yeonjun's mom felt the most pain. She had lost her daughter to suicide a few years prior, and now her last child was gone due to suicide too. She felt as if she failed as a parent. Even though she knew both Yeonjun and Arin had loved her to death. In Arin's note, she even told her mom that is wasn't her fault, it wasn't Yeonjun's, it was everybody else. She had watched Yeonjun mature very quickly after, she regretted not talking to him as much as she should have. She regretted not talking to Arin as much as she should have either. She knew Arin and Yeonjun were best friends and she remembered the look on Yeonjun's face as he begged Arin to not jump as she was right beside him. The pain and sincerity in his voice. She knew Arin would have done the same for Yeonjun.

She had listened to Yeonjun every now and again to him crying and missing Arin. Him and Arin were inseparable. When they were younger she worried about what would happen to Yeonjun when Arin moved away to live her life. She would have never imagined her life ending short. 16 years old. Yeonjun hung in there for 3 years up until he was 16 too.

Yeonjun never told her about the bullying, he didn't want to worry her. He never told her about his bad grades, she didn't need to worry. She never knew about it, she only knew about how happy Yeonjun was whenever he would get contacted by big companies, she knew about how the internet loved him. She knew about his cuts and she tried to help him. She offered Yeonjun therapy, he told her he didn't want to talk to a therapist. She had him diagnosed with depression and he had meds, but Yeonjun wouldn't take them, it was too much work for him. She knew he struggled to get out of bed in the mornings, or even do something as simple as shower. It was a challenge for him. No energy, he didn't want to do anything. When he needed to upload a video, he only did it on days he had energy. There were days where he was extremely productive, and others where he couldn't even get out of bed to eat.

All the signs were there, they just realized it too late. Every single sign he gave them, gave away his personal items, self harm, no energy, constantly apologizing for feeling like he's bothering them, he slept a lot more, he isolated himself, he started stealing alcohol from his dad's stash, always telling his friends and family he loved them, and the day of his death, he seemed so relaxed and like nothing was bothering him.

Even though they knew by now there was nothing that could be done, they wished by some miracle, Yeonjun was alive, sadly, that wasn't the case. All they could feel was regret, but it comforted them some to know he wasn't suffering anymore, but he did just pass the pain he was in, onto somebody else.