FIRE & FUEL | TAEKOOK| COMPLETED

Not An Update!!

Dear Readers,

How are you all? It's getting colder day by day. It's currently 2 degrees here in Cardiff, Wales, UK. 

Yes, you guessed right. I am currently in Wales, UK. I am a Nurse and I work here. Well, I never shared anything  personal except for somethings here and there.  

Please stay warm and drink warm water or any warm beverage to keep yourselves hydrated.  Don't want even a single one of you to fall sick. 

I really wished I could speak to someone, but considering the fact that I am not good at socializing or making new friends, makes it difficult for me. Can you or would you rather believe that for the last decade I have had only one friend? Just one?  And she is a mother of one cute little boy. Ofcourse she got her own life and problems now, So even if  I want to, I can't burden her with my problems  too.

Friends have back-stabbed me and made my life hell that I am scared to make new friends. But then it's good to talk to strangers rather than these "so called" friends. 

Finally after 4 years somebody did manage to warm my ice-cold heart. Guessing why the word "Finally"? I got cheated on by my boyfriend who said his "Ex-gf" was his best friend, and ended up marrying her without even letting me know. And I got to know by our mutual friend. That literally made me go so deep down into depression that I almost killed myself three times. Almost  more than 6 months later when I finally got on my track back, I worked like a machine sometimes without any day offs for like weeks together. 

After 4 years, I gave exams and ended up here in UK in February. While the colleagues I have here are really warm-hearted with very good personalities and they care for me a lot  more than I can ever expect them to. But for an extrovert-turned-introvert like me, it's difficult to accept that. 

Today we are close enough for them to be called as "friends", but I am scared to name them my friends and what's more touching is that they are happy that I atleast let them get close to me. They even convinced me to start dating again. Well yes, I did manage to convince myself again and got onto a dating app, where I found this "person". 

But does that really work?  It's been two months already, I am talking to him. He is boyish like a teenager at times, but a gentleman when he talks. He is 28 and still has never been in any relationship. So that makes  me, his first ever relation or even more. He is being cautious, while I am already heart-broken.. We both share this bond now. There is something about this person, that I can't put my finger on. The fact that he managed to make my heart skip a beat with just one smile of his after so long, that feeling, I want it to stay for longer.  But I am still scared to open up to him. 

The way he comforts me, when I need it, his words which make me feel home, his constant reminder that he is there for me is really enough for me. He is literally "on the other end of the world", but does make his presence felt all the time. I am especially scared of long-distance relations (Because my previous one was too).  But something about him, makes me want to trust him, wait for him, give him a chance to prove himself. We haven't shared contacts yet, we need some more time to make sure that it is okay to do so.

What do you think? Should I give myself a chance once again? I am scared and I don't want to get hurt again. Even today when I look back on that darkest year, I still feel the ice-cold wave strike my heart making it freeze. 

I am sure many of you out there, or at least one of you have been through the same situation just like mine. What would you suggest? 

I am asking for a solution here on this platform, where I know it's possible many of you will read this. I won't ask you "not to judge me", but it took me a lot of courage to speak up and ask for help.

Anyways it's been too long here like more than 700 words, lol, love you all...