Ready or Not

Chapter 23

You wake up this morning feeling like you were run over by a train both emotionally and physically. Austin has his arms around you, holding you tight to him. When you try and wiggle out of his arms, he pulls you in tighter and says, "Five more minutes, please."

You turn your body around to face him and say, "Austin, I have classes and you have work. We need to get up. And you have to drive me back to my place before you have to go to work, so we probably need to get out of here earlier than you normally would. I plan to go down to the police station after class and see what they need me to do."

Sticking out his bottom lip, he says, "Oh, alright. Do you want to shower here or do that at your place?"

"Only thing I have are the things I wore last night. So, why don't you get ready first. I'll do my morning routine when I get to my apartment."

Austin agrees and gets up. You put back on your clothes from yesterday. Then your brain conjures up vivid memories of your ordeal from last night, making you freeze on the spot in utter fear. Standing in your boyfriend's living room, with your hand on the wall, you try to brace yourself. You can feel the man's hands on your arms, squeezing it tightly. It feels as if your heart is trying to break out of your chest, just so that it can get away from the horrid memories of last night. Waves of nausea and dizziness come over you and you start to feel your lips and fingertips go numb. You pull at the collar of your shirt, trying to give your neck more room to take in air, but you feel like you are choking. Starting to see the edges of your vision fading to grey, you crouch down to the floor, not wanting to pass out. Your body is covered in a coat of slick and cold sweat. In your crouched position, you feel like your lungs are being crushed, so you get yourself on your fours to let your lungs expand to their full capacity. Digging your fingertips into the hardwood floor, you squeeze your eyes shut and hope that whatever this is that you are going through, will pass and pass quickly.

In the midst of your frightening episode, Austin comes out of the bedroom, all ready to go. When he doesn't see you, he calls out, "Sweetheart, where are you?"

You let out a choked reply, "Here, Austin. I'm here."

Hearing your voice sounding so foreign, Austin's body tenses up and fear coils in his belly. He follows the sound of your ragged breathing and finally finds you behind the loveseat in the living room. On your fours, taking heaving breaths, and trembling. Alarmed, he runs to your side. "Hey, Baby. What's happening? Are you okay? Did you fall?"

You say, "No. Baby, just give me a minute to catch my breath. Holy shit... What the hell was that?"

Once you start to feel like you can get a full intake of air into your lungs, you get into a kneel. Austin stands up in front of you and says, "Do you think you can stand? Here, let me help you up." He places his hands around your torso and hoists you up to a standing position. Once you are on your feet, he pulls you into his embrace. "Baby, what happened?"

You answer, "I'm not sure. I was putting my clothes back on and memory of what happened last night just flared up in my head. Then all of a sudden, I couldn't breathe, and felt dizzy. I didn't want to fall so I just got down on the ground."

"Jesus Christ, maybe I should just call out of work and stay with you. What if something like that happens again when you're alone?"

You reply, "Thank you, Austin. But I'll be fine. I'll just keep myself distracted. Focus on something else. But do you think you can stay with me tonight?"

"Yea. Of course. Absolutely. When are you going to go to the police station?"

"I'm not sure. Probably after class."

"I feel like I really should go with you. Alright. I'm just going to take the day off."

You say, "Austin, then what about tomorrow? Then the day after that? You can't be out of work indefinitely because of me. I'll be fine. I'll be okay. Go to work. If something happens, I'll call you. I promise."