Ready or Not

Chapter 17

When you wake up on Friday morning, you are in your bed alone. At some point in the early morning, Warren must have gotten up and left you. Perhaps, trying to make things a bit easier for you. You think, "He does love me. What a tragedy this all is." Today, you only have one class, late in the morning and no work. But you do have a date with Austin tonight. So, with a taste of Warren still lingering on your lips, you get up and get your day started. You worry about how Warren will fair and how he is doing now, but you remind yourself that he is a grown man and very soon, he will find comfort in another woman's arms. That thought brings about a sharp pain in your heart, but despite it all, you hope that he will find love in those arms.

Even with all of that, for some reason, you feel lighter. Perhaps, being with Warren last night had exorcised some demons that were weighing you down like a block of cement holding your ankles down under water. Today, all you want to do is focus on your date with Austin and see how this all plays out. Then your thoughts turn to Namjoon. You think, "How do I exorcise that demon?" With Warren, you felt empathy for him. Who hasn't regretted an opportunity missed because of fear or apprehension, right? All of the moments of happiness that will never be because he just couldn't allow himself to be vulnerable with you. You felt compassion and pity for him.

However, when you think of Namjoon, what you feel is white hot anger. Anger for making you fall so hard for him, for making you feel so happy, wanted, and sated, for pulling the rug out from under you when you were already off balance and weren't looking. The second the thought of him enters your mind, you can't help but see what you saw as you opened the door to Eric's master bedroom. Seeing him nestled between her beautiful, long, and flawless legs, kissing her with such desperate need and reckless want. If you were a stranger happening upon that scene, you may have described the passion laden scene as exquisite. But when you walked in on the two lovers, you were not a stranger. Feeling the fire of anger licking at your feet, you tell yourself to think about something else, anything else.

You get yourself into the shower and allow your mind to linger on your time with Warren last night and you can feel heat rising to your cheeks. Not wanting to feel needy, you shake those thoughts out of your mind and focus on your midterm paper and projects. You also have two exams that you need to study for. Promising yourself that you'll dedicate this coming weekend to completing your last paper, 2 projects and studying for your midterm exams, you decide to get ready for the day. Getting out of the shower, you blow dry your hair completely and get yourself ready for your class. You are done getting ready for class, about 90 minutes before the class is supposed to start. Feeling antsy and not wanting to sit in your apartment any longer, you decide to go grab a coffee before heading to your class. So, in a gingerly pace, you make your way to the coffee shop on campus. The morning coffee crowd has dissipated, and the coffee shop is almost empty, short of you and couple others working on their computers. You walk up to the counter and place your order. As you are about to pay for your cup, you hear a familiar man's voice behind you saying, "She's with me, I'll take a medium coffee, black, and you can ring them both up together."

You whirl around, you see Namjoon standing there. You say, "Joonie, I am not, and you don't need to do that. I can buy a cup of coffee by myself, for myself."

When you hand the barista your card, she says, "Oh.... Sorry, Miss, I already rang it up together and charged his card."

You sigh and say to the barista, "Christ almighty, you are fast. Oh... never mind." Begrudgingly you say, "Well then, thank you," and walk away from him. When you first walked into the coffee shop, you had planned to sit and people watch by the shop window, but you think better of it and decide to walk out of the shop and start to walk towards your class. You hope that Namjoon loses sight of you and will leave you alone. But you are not that lucky. As you sneak out of the coffee shop, Namjoon spots you slink away and jogs to catch up with you. Your little legs are moving furiously to put some distance between you and him, but his long legs have no problem catching up and keeping up with you. Realizing that you are fighting a losing battle, you stop in your tracks, a little out of breath, and turn to face Namjoon. You say, "Joonie, what are you doing? Stop following me! How many times do I have to tell you, I don't want to see you or look at you. Get away from me!"