Isobel Asks The Internet

XXXI - The Reopening

I organised an event to re-open the local hedge maze after it was destroyed in an arson attack! Did everything go well? 

Hey everyone! 

So, a while back the local hedge maze (which everyone LOVED) was subject to a brutal arson attack spearheaded by Brindie which claimed the life of my acquaintance, Emma, and deprived the town of its most treasured attraction. For an unspecified period of time, we had been without the thrilling twists and turns of the challenging, leaf-based puzzle, and I had been eagerly looking forward to the day where I could inhale the heady aroma of the generic hedges in the breeze once again.

The fated day had arrived! 

To honour the re-opening of the hedge maze, I had planned an event to bring everyone in the town together to witness its glorious rebirth from the literal ashes. I was well aware of Betty's (the owner of the hedge maze) slovenly and unceremonious ways, and I decided to take matters into my own hands. The hedge maze meant so much to so many people, so I thought it would be a great idea to select a representative sample of people from the town to make speeches before we cut the ribbon!

First, I thought that it would be a great idea for Mallory, Zelda-Mae and I to give a speech about our dramatic, yet courageous ordeal inside of the hedge maze while it was aflame. After that, I thought it would be an excellent opportunity to reintroduce Mavis to the town as she had recently revealed herself to actually not have died at Brindie's pool party; the town would likely find her story about witnessing a brutal murder to be of mild interest. After this, I decided that the last speech should be used to advertise the supermarket that I am a head manager of (while studying for a degree in physics) due to the fact that we raised a good amount of the funds to revive the maze. Since this day represented an opportunity for us, I thought it would be SUCH a good experience for Coral to be able to address the entire town in her first week as the new opportunities manager. 

On the day of the re-opening, I made sure to arrive at the hedge-maze early to supervise the various comings and goings. I had hired SO many delicious caterers for the event; Katie's parents were busy preparing their usual spread of Cantonese cuisine, and Wendy who I had met earlier in the week was preparing sandwiches! Mallory had also recommended her friend Paloma to us, who had brought a gargantuan cooking dish to prepare paella in. This one other chick I who I didn't know named Tara had made a vegan hog roast to sell to the townspeople. 

A whiff of controversy arose when Paloma announced that she had forgotten to bring any rice for her paella. Tara suggested that she could make her paella low-carb, but this ENRAGED Paloma who grabbed a frozen squid and started rubbing it on the vegan hog roast. At this point, Katie's mum intervened and said that Paloma could use some of her spare jasmine rice for the paella. Paloma was not mollified, and said that jasmine rice would be deeply inappropriate for a paella, but Katie's mum told her that she would turn her into roadkill if she didn't shut the fuck up. She also let Tara borrow her meat tenderiser for protection. 

There was also an important guest to the event whose arrival I was awaiting. I had reached out to a fashion influencer, Terracotta Perkins, who I had met at a micro-conference about digital female inspiration last year, and invited her to attend the event and make social media posts about the hedge maze! We agreed that she would livestream herself attempting to traverse the maze (in exchange for free admission) to her vast number of followers, and then afterwards sample some of the culinary options being prepared by my associates. I'd asked Nigella to be her chaperone/bodyguard for the day, so she was monitoring the entrance for Terracotta's arrival.

Once Terracotta had made entry on to the premises, we kicked off with the speeches. Although everyone in the town had read the newspaper article about our ordeal in the burning hedge maze, it had excellent replay value and the crowd drunk it in like they were animals at the watering hole. Next up was Mavis! In order to enhance the impact of her speech, we had instructed her to not tell ANYONE who wasn't at the trial that she hadn't actually died at Brindie's pool party. This would be a particularly special moment as we had invited her Mum to stand in the audience. I didn't stick around for all of the speeches as I had no time for idle leisure, and walked past Coral on my way to my next destination. There was a puddle of vomit languidly oozing nearby to her heels, and I momentarily stopped to wonder who had decided to throw up next to her.