Isobel Asks The Internet

XXXVIII - The Book Launch

My friend's book launch was disrupted by our enemies! Should we get revenge?

Hey everyone! 

So, recently my friend Mavis was undergoing a peaceful stay of witness protection after she witnessed someone being murdered following her time in hospital after not drowning at Brindie's pool party. During her time away, she found herself quite bored (which was unsurprising given that she no longer lived in the same town as the hedge maze), so she decided to write a book! She made the choice to return to town once she had finished writing it, which just so happened to be the day that Winona had unsuccessfully attempted to put the newspaper society on trial for defamation, all because we had dared to tell the truth.

The book is called Unbridled Kindling, an enemies-to-lovers romance novel about a forest custodian and a horse wrangler. Basically, the forest custodian gets so angry at the horse wrangler after she continuously allows her horses to gambol and frolic in his forest. She becomes indignant at his protests, and the sexual tension begins to simmer like a viscous sweetcorn chowder left unsupervised over a medium-low heat. The collective agitation escalates to a frenzied boil when the horses STAMPEDE through the forest after being frightened by a group of inconsiderate blackberry pickers, and end up destroying a 600 year old oak tree by galloping on it. I won't spoil the rest of the details of this tantalising read, mainly because I haven't actually read it. 

I thought that it would be SUCH a good idea to organise a launch party to celebrate the release of the book. Because it was being published during a warm spell in the season of summer, I thought that it would be nice for the launch to happen on a rooftop bar at the top of the tallest skyscraper in town. This would give everyone beautiful sunset views, and they'd also be able to see the multiple billboard advertisements for my supermarket which I had recently erected! Plus, the alcohol on sale would make it more likely that they would want to buy a copy of the book. To provide even further incentive for audience members to make a purchase, I decided to selflessly offer a discount coupon that could be redeemed at the supermarket (2.5% off on purchases over £300). 

As the part-time, head manager of a premium retail destination (while studying for a degree in physics), I knew that presentation was EVERYTHING, so I hired myself in my capacity as design co-ordinator to ensure that everything looked professional and relevant to Mavis's novel. I covered a few tables with a red plaid blanket for a rustic feel, and then sprinkled some hay on the floor nearby; this would be the station for books to be sold. I knew that we would need an aspect of the decor that was relevant to forestry too, so I got some people from the gardening department to bring in some decorative trees in pots from the supermarket. This way, I could also take orders from anyone who wanted to buy a tree, and promote our new rustic-ware range that I had recently premiered.  

On top of the decoration, I thought it would be SUCH a good idea to produce two limited edition themed cocktails for the event, based on the two protagonists from the novel. The first cocktail, the strong n' stable, consisted of a tempting mixture of apple liqueur, grass infused vodka and oat milk, served in a miniature trough. The second one, the tree hugger, was made from rye whiskey, liquid smoke and pine needle syrup; I couldn't think of a special receptacle to decant this cocktail into so I just brought in an assorted range of coffee mugs from the break room at work. I thought that this one would be delicious served warm (because of climate change) so I shoved a microwave nearby in case anyone wanted to heat up their beverage.

Everything that I had provided was fantastic and looked great, but it was lacking a little je nais se quois, so I decided to get in touch with the local equestrian centre and request to borrow one of their horses for the day. I thought that, since there would be trees, it would be unbalanced if the event didn't feature a horse in some capacity. When I turned up at the centre, they told me that their policy stipulated that they can only loan their livestock to people who have a proven track record with horses, however they decided to overlook this policy on account of my excellent reputation in town. I picked out a palomino named Flaxseed Oil. The person at the centre told me that Flaxseed Oil had quite a spicy personality, but I assured her that I knew what I was doing, and arranged to have him transported to the rooftop bar ASAP.