Even if the sky is falling down - A Volodymyr Zelenskyy fanfiction

Chapter 3 - Losing game

The first addresses after the invasion Volodymyr wrote by himself – so in fact, he didn't need me. He told me to stay in a safe place and that he will manage things without me. I know it's because he doesn't want to put me in danger what obviously will be the case if I was around him. But it was horrible for me not being able to do anything. In the end, I followed his wish.

A week after the invasion started, I told him that I want to come back to work. He didn't allow but agreed that he would send me his speeches to read them. For the first time in all the years we work together, we worked with distance between us. As he did not have much time, we didn't talk about any private things or even our feelings for each other for weeks. Just now, as I have the need to talk to him about our kiss and what I wanted him to say when I thought about that kiss.

All in all, I was patiently waiting for a chance to see Volodymyr again physically. Meanwhile, I got access to the bunker where the President and his team hide because I know one of the guards. Piotr stands in my fault, so I told him that he should bring me right into the President's office. The moment arrives and I could hear my heart beating as I walk down the floor. Piotr tells Volodymyr a lie that he needs to talk with someone important and that it's urgent.

When I step in, I think about a thousand things. If Volodymyr would be happy to see me again? Or if he would be angry because I broke his rule? If he would take some time for me or send me away immediately? If he remembers what he told me that night the invasion started or if it was just a weak moment of him? If I was wrong with my analysis?

As he realizes that someone has entered the room, he looks up from his laptop. Immediately, he looks shocked as he understands who he will meet. But he doesn't say anything until Piotr closes the door behind him. "What are you doing here? How is that even possible?", he asks me. "I'm also happy to see you", I simply answer. "Anna, danger is not over yet. You can't stay here", he tells me.

I walk towards him and stop in front of his chair. "Please, get up", I say to him. He stands up and I give him a big hug. We just remain for some seconds. I could hear his heart beating and just concentrate on his breath taking. "To be honest, I've missed you", I tell him. "You mixed up my feelings, so I came here to see you for a short time and maybe talk about that". "I don't think I have time for that", he answers.

We look into each other's eyes. "I know", I say to break the silence. "I just wanted to let you know that I was expecting that kiss to happen sooner or later. Not right in that moment, but I felt your need as it happened. I was so stupid to make you hold back these feelings in the past. If I could change things, I would. I would let you kiss me earlier". The words run through my soul out of my mouth. "I was so stupid to hold a man like you on distance", I conclude. 

Suddenly, it knocks at the door. "Mr. President? Your next meeting is about to start in 10 minutes", somebody from outside remembers him. "I'm sorry, I need to hurry now", he just says. "But we will talk about that later, I promise". He gives me a short kiss on my forehead. Then he leaves me alone in his room.

I go back and spend the rest of the day in my private room. Suddenly, some frustration sets in. How could I live this lie for all that time? How could I block him? I don't even find the motivation to correct the draft of Volodymyr's evening address, what I usually do every day. I lay in bed and think about my life and a past at Volodymyr's side which I could have had. At least, it was so tangible the night he told me that he loves me. But for now, fighting a full scale invasion ahead, this future is farer away than the moon to me. Starting at this point, loving him or trying to build up a serious relationship will be a losing game.