Even if the sky is falling down - A Volodymyr Zelenskyy fanfiction

Chapter 13 - What did we set on?

"This is bullshit, clearly", Volodymyr states and throws me a view that makes my stomach turn. He has the drafts of the speeches I prepared for his visits in Europe in his hands. "What did you do yesterday the whole day? It's not like you didn't have enough time to prepare these speeches. What's wrong with you?", he continues arguing, shaking his head. "I'm sorry", I try to start my defending. But I already know that it would be senseless and he is right. I didn't do my job and disappointed him. "I couldn't concentrate because - " "Because you were jealous and not focussing on the real important things", he interrupts me. "I don't want to hear your excuses. You better invest that time to sit down and write me some speeches I can use. They will decide wheter our partners will provide us more heavy weapons or not. Think about that. And then do your goddamn work. I expect your mail with the new drafts in two hours", he shouts and walks towards his office door. Before he finally leaves me alone, he turns once again, facing me. "We have to talk about certain things when I will be back", he adds before finally stepping out.

Holy shit, I never experienced him being angry like that. I know, he was absolutely right with everything he said. I need to hold myself tighter together in future. In a normal case, without him fucking me, I would have received a warning for termination. I swallow while realizing. 

Within the next one and a half hour, I do nothing else but rewriting Volodymyr's speeches. This time, I focus and do my job with the quality he is used to. Nonetheless, I send him the mail with the new drafts without any personal words. He writes back from the train to Warsaw to ask me to correct some parts following his wishes, also without any warm words. I do so and he finally tells me that's okay now. 

But what was not okay is my behavior - but also his reaction. For sure, I didn't fullfill a task right and that should never happen during a war. Clearly, he has to state that. But he was leaving without finally saying goodbye. He walked out his office and I didn't see him again before making his way to central Europe. That was also not a considerate behavior from his side. He clearly knows how it would make me feel. That it would hurt me. And it did. And that was senseless 'cause I got my mistake without that. 

He was right, we need to talk about certain things when he will be back. All we were doing within the past weeks and months to move our relationship forward was fucking. We both didn't mind, but the current situation clearly shows that we should get to know each other better and in a more personal way than we already did and formulate some rules. What clearly doesn't work is just continue our interactions like we had done in the past and just add more body contact. Now, that there are feelings invovled at both sides and they are not a secret anymore, we could hurt each other way faster.

It all reminds me of myself laying in bed at that night the invasion begun and he finally kissed me. My conclusion was that it would become a losing game building up this romantic relationship under this circumstances. I was right. All we did so far was in fact, losing.

Losing control over certain feelings, mainly in my case. But also he lost control. Licking my pussy in that train from Kherson to Kyiv and fucking me in his office - while president Biden was in the line. Somebody could have easily stepped in or realized something. It was in fact so dangerous to have sex in those moments. If I keep thinking over it, some of the guards like Piotr or Bogdan may have noticed something. Then my overreaction in the meeting with the whole stuff. Hopefully, they all believe that it is the stress of the war and the human need to be close to one another that make Volodymyr and me act like this towards each other. And finally he asked me to become his wife - not like a serious marriage proposal, but he meant it. On what was it truely basing? We functioned in the past and he had feelings, but that's not enough. We both understood that this morning. 

The worst thing is that I slowly lose my professionality towards my job. Luckily, this concernes only me and not Volodymyr. The last thing this country needs right now is its president just thinking about how to make his girlfriend happy. 

He stated in Kherson that he will have the lead in this relationship. "Let me love you my way", he has told me that night. I should follow that more, holding myself back, as I did in the past. Maybe he knows better when the moment is right to shift over onto a personal level and when the situation demands to be handled professional. For me, I'm not sure if I can separate things any longer.

What did we set on? Maybe this is, all in all, a mistake. Maybe it was Volodymyr's and mine intuition to not go the next step in the past. Now, it is all more complicated. And being involved in a war is already complicated enough.