Even if the sky is falling down - A Volodymyr Zelenskyy fanfiction

Chapter 24 - Life-energy

Life is coming back to me. I can feel my consciousness returning. I'm finally able to open my eyes. The light is so garish around me. I need to blink. Also my ears are rushing. It takes a moment for me to adjust to reality.

Then I notice someone holding my hand. I try to face that person. But I still can't see clear.

Suddenly, a thought comes to my mind. What about my babies? Under the blanket, I touch my belly. It is so flat! They are not inside me anymore. I immediately start to sweat.

I open my mouth to say something to the person beside my bed. But my voice is not working. I decide to move my fingers to make the person notice me. It works. The person moves and says something to me that I can't understand. It sounds as if the person speaks from a far distance against the wind.

I try to focus but it is really hard. "Anna" – someone clearly says my name. I try to answer but it still doesn't work. So, I simply nod. The person says something else and then leaves the room. After a while, the person returns with some other people. One of them shines with a flashlight into my open eyes. I wince. The people around me talk to each other but I'm not able to understand anything.

I still don't know if my babies are alive. And for now, I don't have the opportunity to articulate myself. Tears build up in my eyes. The person who was alone with me leans down to me and kisses my forehead. In this moment, I get the certainty that it is Volodymyr. The person smells like him and behaves like Volodymyr would in such a situation.

The other people, probably hospital stuff, leave the room. I'm alone with Volodymyr. He doesn't talk anymore. He seems to understand that I can't communicate with him like that. I can feel my blanket being lift up. Volodymyr gives me a little push to make me move to the side and give him some space. He cuddles to me and wraps me into his arms. His warm body makes me feel safe. I concentrate on his regular breathtaking. Some moments later, I fall asleep again.

*Three hours later*

I wake up from a baby, crying. Within seconds, I know that it is one of my babies. I open my eyes and can see things much clearer than some hours ago. I notice Volodymyr, standing beside the bed, with one of the babies in his arms.

"Vova", I bring over my lips. "Oh, Anna, my darling", he replies, sitting down the bed. I reach my hands out for the baby. Volodymyr immediately understands and hands it over to me. "Look, Angelina, this is mommy", he comments. I get overwhelmed by my emotions and start to cry.

The baby feels so naturally in my arms. She immediately stops crying after I laid her on my breast. I have her newborn-baby-smell in my nose.

"May I have a look for her brother or do you want to spend a moment with her alone?", Volodymyr asks me. "Please, bring him to me", I say. Volodymyr nods and leaves the room.

Gosh, she's such a pretty little girl. Like Volodymyr, she has black hair. I'm sure she'll also get his dark-brown eyes one day.

Meanwhile, her father returns with her twin-brother on his arm. He is Volodymyr even more similar. I hoped that especially the boy would be a little version of his handsome father.

"They look so much like you", I tell Volodymyr. A bride smile covers his face. He then lays the little boy also on my breast. "I'm so glad you're with us again. The last three days have been the hardest in my whole life. I was in constant fear to lose you", he tells me.

I have been knocked out for three days. I really feel like that. Exhausted. But the babies finally bring my life-energy back.

"I also was overburdened alone with these two", Volodymyr tells me honestly. "I really need the support of their mommy". I have to giggle. "Everything will be alright from now on", Volodymyr says. He leans down to kiss me softly. "I love you so much. And these two beautiful creatures, too. I can't believe that I have a family now", he says. I can see tears in his eyes.

"I wish I could go home with you right now", I tell him. "I know", he replies. "But that will still take a certain time". I nod.

It took five more days until I finally could leave the hospital. Volodymyr could take the twins two days earlier home with him. He came to pick me up and reunite us in our apartment in Kyiv. He had installed certain security measures that would protect his family at home. I should not worry about our security.

I was still weak and had to stay in bed after leaving the hospital. But finally, I was at home. The first nights were very hard. Andrij and Angelina were constantly waking each other up. Volodymyr and I had nearly no sleep. I tried to care the most time about the babies because Volodymyr had returned to his office but sometimes, I didn't have the strength and he had to go. I observed him being even more tired than he had been due to the war.

But I get stronger day by day. I finally decide to relieve my husband. I ask him to sleep in the bunker again to get more sleep. But at first, he insisted to stay at home with his family.

All in all, he fights very hard to be a good president during the day and a good husband and father when coming home. But I can see that this costs all the energy that he has left. He also behaves more irritable at work and is less concentrated, following Piotrs report.

I realize in what kind of situation I brought him. I always wanted to support him, in the first days of the war especially, but now I brought another burden to him. Sure, he is happy around the twins and enjoys the few time we spend as a family, but that does not eliminate the fact that the babies are tiring and nerve-racking. It's just too much for him right now.

So, finally, I can make it clear to Volodymyr that it is the best solution for everyone if he sleeps in the bunker for a certain time. I know that it would be at the cost of our already short family-time, but it has to be. He needs his sleep more than anything else.

The first nights without him were nonetheless very hard. The bed feels so empty without him. I observe myself laying there for hours, stroking my hand over the empty sheets. 

These are the moments in which I wish nothing else but this war to be over and the possibility to return to normal life.