Falling for a mistake | Jeverus

Part 13

" What's up." Sirius said casually while Severus plays with his pen.

It was a rash decision to call Sirius but he had time between surgeries and he wanted information.

" About your ultimatum...." Severus begins and hears shuffling on the other end.

" Yeah?"

" Did you talk to James?"

" Not since then, no."

" I see." Severus exhales and his eyes are darting all around his office.

" So. You don't have any idea on the progress?"

" Not more than you."

There was a bit of silence where Severus bit his tongue and sat there with a distressed look.

" Have you been making progress?" Sirius asked and Severus nodded to himself.

" I think so."

" So the idiot finally came to his senses."

" Um. Not exactly."

" What does that mean?"

Severus recalls his earlier conversation with James, the one last night that completely ruined the mood of a lovely evening.

They were eating in front of the TV and talking when James brought up the question.

" Would you be ok with me leaving this weekend?"

" Leave? To where?"

" The Black family's lake house. They have a bed and breakfast there too, we don't exactly know which one to choose."

" We as in.....you and Regulus?"

James gulped and nodded.

Severus missed the times when the surname Black meant Sirius. A name that once meant James was safe and comfortable just filled him with dread.

" Go ahead." Severus nods but James has this hesitant look on his face.

" You sure?"

" Yeah. I have no problem with it."

" So you'd be ok being alone for the weekend?"

" Yeah. Of course. You have fun." He gave James a peck and looked down at his food, suddenly having lost his appetite.

Severus shakes his head and brings himself back to reality, realizing he had been silent for almost a minute straight.

" They're um, they went away for the weekend." He clears his throat awkwardly and Sirius curses.

" Shit. Fucker really has no shame huh?"

" James?"

" My brother." Sirius clarifies and that part of him that wants to defend Regulus with his life is still there.

He didn't even realize it until now.

" Don't call him that."

" That is what he is. He wants to be a homewrecker, i'm not gonna sit here and pretend to support him."

" Reggie did nothing wrong, he's a good person. No matter how shitty this looks from the outside he had every permission to do this."

" Just because you gave him permission doesn't mean I did."

" And who the fuck are you to be controlling your brother's life?" Severus demands and his tone is stern.

He's slightly yelling, not enough to cause concern but enough Sirius gets the message that he's not joking.

" I'm trying to keep him out of trouble, he always fucking does this. He makes stupid, selfish decisions that hurt other people."

" Regulus is the least selfish person I know. You on the other hand is another story. You can't just try to control everything because it makes you uncomfortable."

" Why are you even defending their relationship? I'm on your side Severus, I don't want them to be endgame."

Severus holds his head in his hands and swallows the lump in his throat.

" Whatever makes James happy. If Regulus makes him happy then so be it."

Sirius scoffs and Severus is confused.

" It's so fucking obvious you care about him! Why won't you fight for what's yours? Why are you defending a relationship that is actively trying to ruin your marriage?" Sirius yells back at him and Severus has no reply.

It's quiet again, but not nearly enough for Severus to think properly.

" If you really don't care about all that family nonsense anymore then whatever, good for you. But don't you wanna fight for the person you love?"

Love. That's a term he's never felt before. It never even crossed his mind.

" I'm not in love with him."

" Well Regulus is. And no matter how much James loves you, if you can't reciprocate then you will lose."

Severus clenches his eyes shut when the chest pains come back and he looks around to see if there's any of his medication around. He spots it, holds the bottle in his hand so tight his knuckles turn white.

" I just want him to be happy."

Sirius lets out an exasperated sigh and clicks his tongue.

" Fine. If you want him to be happy so bad and you think being with my brother will give that to him then fine. But you have to take initiative."

" What?"

" I know a good divorce lawyer. Get the papers yourself if you don't want to fight."

All at once, everything melted away. It was like Severus was floating in space with just his phone and Sirius' voice ringing in his head.

" I.... I don't-"

" Severus. I love James like a brother, seeing him with my actual brother isn't something i want to see, especially when he has a perfectly good husband who he loved and adored. But if you're not willing then he won't be."

Severus leans forward to rest his elbows on the table, covering his face. He lets out a shaky breath and closes his eyes, feeling tears sting.

" I don't know what to do."

" I'm giving you two options. Hire that divorce lawyer or fight. Either way, you'll be free from something."

Severus just breathes himself through this. Through the chest pain, through the information he's hearing and slightly remembers Lily walking past his door.

And just as he thought he was hallucinating Lily walks through the door with a concerned expression.

" Send me the lawyers number." He says quietly and Sirius sighs.

" I really hoped you wouldn't do this."

" Well I have no choice." Severus hangs up the phone and throws it onto his table.

Lily sits down, surprised he's so on edge and tilts her head.

" What happened?"

Severus purses his lips and looks to the side at the window overlooking the city. His office is on the 6th floor so he gets a nice view.

The sunset is almost too perfect.

" I'm gonna leave him before he leaves me."