Dear Professor

Between reassurance and doubt

—-Hellooo, I know, I know, I took too long to update again, but finals are a pain in the ass and I only got time to write lately. But I'm on holiday right now and will hopefully have time to write a few chapters in advance so you'll have regular updates! For now I hope you'll like this chapter! Enjoy reading!

He looked down at me searching for my eyes instantly, trying to gauge if I needed help and if I was okay. When he saw no sign of distress he seemingly relaxed but still frowned, wondering what I wanted. I sighed "I know we agreed on you going to talk to some people about my ... um ... state. But please tell me you haven't done it yet".

His brows furrowed and he stepped aside moving a bit away from the doorframe, granting us a bit more privacy "I did go... already did it a while ago. Why? Is everything okay?". I groaned and rubbed my temple "alright, great, wonderful...".

He studied my face and took a slight step closer to me, not enough to make me uncomfortable, but definitely enough for me to feel his closeness. "Ivy, what's wrong?" he asked again more softly. I rubbed my face and then looked up at him "I had a panic attack, last time right before Mrs Taylor's course, and given that she let me skip the main part of the class, I briefly explained to her what was happening to me. I would've preferred if no one else knew about it."

He let me finish before talking "But that went well right ? I mean with Mrs Taylor". I sighed heavily "To be honest, absolutely not, I went into more details and explained her a bit more. I have absolutely no confidence in her and I don't feel comfortable around her. It's not like that with you... She is definitely too intrusive."

Before he could answer, a student stepped in and interrupted him, making me step away from him in reflex. I let them talk, even if he dismissed her quickly and sent her away.

Looking back at me, he closed the gap I've put between us again and muttered a soft apology.

I sighed and was getting agitated, "I'm losing control and I hate this, never talk about my problem and now it's spreading too much, I was okay with you knowing. Because I trust YOU. But now it's getting too much.". Once again, he read my body language easily and saw that I was starting to panic. "Hey, nobody is taking your control away okay ? On my side, I only talked to the people we agreed on together. What do you want me to do about Mrs Taylor? I know her well, I can tell her to leave you alone."

I considered his proposition but decided against it, I definitely didn't need a bodyguard even if it was a rather hot one. "No, no I'll manage alone. I just.. Can I come to you if I feel like having a panic attack?". He didn't hesitate one bit and nodded "Of course, if I'm here, you find me and you come to me". I smiled softly and nodded "Thanks".

It suddenly occurred to me that I've taken him apart and that the other students were still waiting for us, so I headed back inside the class when he called out my name, just loud enough for me to hear "And Ivy, you still have control, I'll manage Mrs Taylor don't worry". I rolled my eyes but couldn't help the smile crippling up my face at the thought of him still wanting to go and manage Mrs Taylor even if I told him I was okay. Just because he saw it bothered me.

Since everyone was already settled down, we both quickly got our things out and we were ready to work in record time. He was a bit faster than me because he already started talking when I looked up.

He presented the course of the day and asked if we did the research on the author he asked us about last time, when no one answered he frowned scanning the room to see everyone "No one? Really?" he asked, seemingly annoyed but not quite upset yet. I knew I made the work, but seeing no one did, I was a bit reluctant to actually raise my hand and thus, draw the whole attention on me. However when I saw him getting upset I decided to finally raise my hand. As I expected, this instantly drew attention, but only one particular gaze was burning holes into my body. I looked up and was met with a pair of light brown eyes that always seemed to mesmerise me.