Cry Until You Bleed

53- Rebels: Part 2

"Ana?"

"I want to know what's going on," I say, deciding to cut right to the chase. I only have an hour or so to do this so I don't want to waste any of it with greetings or stupid explanations.

"What are you doing here? How did you get here? Did you sneak out?" He starts firing questions at me as he opens the door wider. "And you're freezing, come inside."

"No, I don't want to come inside," I snap at him, realizing how completely angry I am at him for how he's treated me this whole week. We had one perfect night but he just had to go and ruin it by doing this and I hate it. I hate feeling this lost and confused. "I want you to tell me what's going on."

"Did you sneak out?" He asks me again, stepping onto the porch and shutting the door behind him so that we're both freezing but because the porch has an awning, he's still dry.

"No, Dr. Lombardi thought that it'd really help my recovery if I ran through the rain at almost midnight," I respond sarcastically as he hands me his jacket and although I'm very mad at him right now, I'm also freezing so I begrudgingly take the jacket and slide my arms into the warm sleeves. "Niles, I just want to know why you're not talking to me and then I'll go. I just want some answers. I deserve answers."

"Ana, don't do this," He pleads. "Just let me take you back to Bernard's, alright? You're going to get sick."

"I'm not leaving until you tell me why you've suddenly decided that we're not friends anymore," I tell him stubbornly. "After everything that's happened, I think that if you want to stop talking to me, an explanation is the least that you can do."

"I didn't-" he starts to defend himself, but then stops to rethink his words. He looks up, looking frustrated that he was struggling to explain. "I didn't mean to just vanish, I was going to talk to you. I don't know if you believe me, but I just wanted to find the right way to express what's going on in my head and I hadn't figured it out yet. I still don't know how to make everything make sense."

"Well you're going to have to figure it out." I stand straight and cross my arms. "I mean, did I do something? Are you just over it? Because you can just say so."

"No, it's not like that," he says quickly. "You didn't do anything. I still care about you so much. I love you, I want what's best for you."

"What exactly is it that you think is best for me?" I ask him with narrowed eyes, even though I feel like I can already tell what he's going to say. I don't really need to ask, but I need to hear him say it out loud.

He sighs, stting down on the porch swing as he looks up at me. "I've just realized that you need to get better and as much as I hate it, I think that I'm in the way of you getting completely better."

"That's bullshit," I tell him. "We've had this conversation so many times and it always ends the same way. You get to decide what you want and I get to decide what I want and that's it. And I want you. It's okay if you don't want me but just say it and stop blaming it on me."

"I'm not blaming it on you," Niles defends. "I'm just saying that I'm allowed to be worried about you. You can't just expect me to go along with something if it's hurting you. The thing is, Ana, that if all you do is think about me and all I do is think about you or if we are only thinking about ourselves then we are absolutely doomed. Sometimes, you have to take a step back and think about both things. What you want and what's good for the other person. And then you have to decide which one is more important. I'm thinking about what I want, which is to be with you, and I'm also thinking about what's good for you, which is taking some time to yourself to reacquaint yourself with the world. And I've decided that what I want isn't as important as you getting 100% better."