Cry Until You Bleed

28- Parks

Friday is a much better day than Wednesday or Thursday. I have my head completely back on and another good thing about Friday is that Dr. Lombardi signed the form that omits me from honesty circle, which means that I have Friday to do whatever I want until three, when I still have my session with Dr. Lombardi. She'll probably want to talk to me about how the past two days have gone for me but for obvious reasons, I won't want to talk about it at all.

Wednesday, after I talked with Niles for a little bit, I went back to my room and I laid in bed with nurses bringing me food and checking on me about every fifteen minutes to make sure that I was still breathing. I read the list of reasons to live about thirty times in total just to remind myself not to even think about trying to break a spoon or turn my sheets into a noose. Mia just got Renée back, she doesn't need to lose me too.

As for Thursday, the nightmares didn't come back which was really good because sometimes, I'll have them for as long as a week and I'll get so exhausted because I won't let myself sleep but this time, it was only one night and then it was gone. I was still pretty distant on Thursday but I found it in myself to go to the cafeteria for lunch and assure Mia that I'm okay. It was just a bad day and when I told her that, she understood and told me that she hopes that I feel better soon. We played a deck of cards before I feel too exhausted from all of the mingling so I went back up to my room. It wasn't much but it was better than Wednesday.

Today, though, I had breakfast with Mia and Desiree and then we watched a movie with a few other people before we went to go to lunch when a nurse approaches me, telling me that Dr. Lombardi wanted to see me early today so I say goodbye to Mia and Desiree before going to see what Dr. Lombardi wanted to talk about.

When I get into the office, she's sitting behind her desk, typing something on her computer and when she hears me walk in, she looks up and smiles, stopping what she's typing. "Hello, Ana."

"Hi..." I trail off curiously. "What's up?"

"Are you feeling any better today?" She wonders.

I shrug. "Yeah, much mutter than yesterday, I suppose. That's not what you wanted to talk about, is it? Because that could have waited until our session this afternoon."

"No, that's not all," She says, leaning forward on her desk. "I was wondering if you felt up to an adventure with Niles today. Only if you want to."

"Really? Today?" I wonder, surprised at the randomness of the offer considering I hadn't heard from Niles since Wednesday and I thought that, if he still wanted to take me around town (which I doubted that he would) then he would show up next week. "No. I don't think that I can face him after what happened on Wednesday."

"Why do you think that?"

Sitting down in my normal chair, I let out a long sigh. "Because I was so out of it and I told him more than I'd like him to know. I feel so embarrassed. He shouldn't know about things like that."

"You told him about what happened to you?" Dr. Lombardi looks like I just told her that I found a piece of gold up my butt, she's so surprised by what I just said.

I shrug. "Only the big picture but that's still way too much. I can't believe he even still wants to talk to me after how I acted on Wednesday."

"Ana, he knows that you aren't completely healed," She tells me, which is her polite way of saying that he knows that I'm crazy, which is kind of obvious since I'm in a crazy house so clearly, I'm crazy. "But Niles is willing to help you work through that. He isn't surprised that you weren't feeling well on Wednesday, he understands that sometimes, you're going to have bad days. It's okay. Maybe you should talk to him about it. I'll stay here if you'd like."