Forever Horan

31

There we were outside of the place I new I'd never return to.

Louis stayed in the car with the kids while I opened the door walking inside.

"Jess?" I heard a croaked voice getting louder as they walked over to me.

"Niall," I breathed out, staring at him wondering what he was doing.

"We don't feel the same about each other do we?" He sighed. "We don't look at each other like two people in love should, huh?".

"Niall, It's jot that I don't love you, it's that I don't love the pain, You'll always have a spot in my heart that no guy can ever fill but you're in love with Demi and she loves you back so I don't want to get involved in something like that. I think I'd rather leave and let you start over," I said my shoes becoming more interesting then the words flowing out of my mouth.

"You're leaving?" He finally spoke.

"We need this, don't fight it."

"I guess I should let demi know i'm taking her out then," He half smiled.

"I guess you should," I whispered moving past him and packing me and the kids stuff.

After louis helped me with everything, Niall said goodbye to his kids he'd only ever get to see if he actually wanted to, we left.

"Now what?" I asked my optimistic brother.

"Now we go somewhere and be happy," He smiled at me, pulling out his phone and deleting a certain styles phone number.

"Somewhere happy," He whispered to himself.

Before you wonder, were they together? Sadly, no. Good things only come from you making them good.
They were the best of friends, choices got them away from that.

Niall and I will never be the same after that and I know you're all waiting for me to tell you things I'll miss about him or why he doesn't want to see the kids.

I will miss him, deeply. I'll miss his crooked smile he use to have, his laugh, his amazing laugh. I'll miss the way he'd cling to my body at the early a.m's. But i'll also miss the fun times we had before we were ever together, If it wasn't for any of these boys I'd be in the gutter an unearthly bitch.

I wouldn't be a mom, or have the pride to call ashton my brave little boy.

It hurts knowing what the future holds, knowing you can't turn back and smell the roses of good times.
Everything right now, is right now. Adele may blast sad songs threw your speakers making you feel sad but all you have to do is change the station and wait for Panic! at the disco to come on.

If I could ask Niall one last thing I'm sure it'd be, 'When was the last time you thought of me in a good way?'. I always think about what I did to make him not love me like he used to, to have him stare at me with lust like he so unconsciously did.

The first time I met him, god I remember it as if it only just happened.

FLASHBACK.

"Jessi! Get down here and meet the boys," My mum shouted.

"No!" I shouted back.

"JESSICA MARIE TOMLINSON GET DOWN HERE!" She yelled.

I huffed and walked down the steps to see 4 boys including my brother.

"Hey, I'm Jessica," I awkwardly waved.

A lot of hey's were going around but one certain boy caught my eye.
END OF FB.

A smile spread across my face as I remember my eyes meeting his icy blue eyes for the very first time, just the thought of seeing him in an old jumper and loose jeans with sneakers other than converse and his flat hair made me laugh.

Its weird how much they've all changed since then, I was 17 and now im 21.

Love wasn't always something I got an 'A' in but it also wasn't graded because theres all different kinds of love and if you graded each one by your own opinion the ones who deserve an 'A' might get a 'C' in your mind when to them its the best fucking love on earth.

Niall and I had a love that didn't exist, it was there but it wasn't. We were stuck in teenage love, afraid that, thats all it was.

To this day, I'm not quite sure if we ever really were meant for eachother. All the fights, the lovely nights, could it have been just a dream? A sick reality and I might wake up the next day with broken bones and opened curtains? Must I tell a whole story of how I loved a famous person and pretended to be another's sister in a dream? I could wake up one day and everything could be a dream.

I admit it, we moved way to fast in the beginning of our relationship but if we hadn't of made that choice would ashton be here? would any of us be where we are? No.

Choices reflect on everything we do.

So, I guess that here, right now in this moment, is where I end this story, my story and many others that i've included into this, I have had a journey just doing the things I do. I'm going to say goodbye and leave to a peaceful place. Goodbye.

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This is the end. :)