Trio of Hearts (Sashannarcy/Amphibia)

The High Priestess

TW: Panic Attacks

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Marcy didn't know how long she had been staring at the wall, or through it, into space, asking the same question again and again. Why did I say that? Of course she didn't want to give up on them, but she couldn't stop herself from saying all the wrong things. Now she's left with a bag of water from melted ice, and oranges, like her, that Sasha and Anne left behind.

Marcy closed their eyes and tried a four count, but their chest still felt tight. She focused on her five senses instead.  They saw the oranges and the ice pack, it only made her think of the two more. She felt her knees up against their chest as she held them while they rocked. She heard her own weeping. She tasted her tears slip into her mouth. Marcy had cried themselves back to sleep and woke up with a deep sadness in their heart that traveled to her throat. She grabbed the oranges and let the sweet taste of the juice mix with the bitterness of their sorrow.

The day went by with her curling up under her weighted blanket. Marcy was glad her parents were out of town for the weekend so she could moped around the house. She knew if her parents were there they would have watched her like precious glassware about to break, without once holding her gently to prevent the damage.

Marcy's  parents didn't express their love with words or hugs. They express their love with cooked meals, pressed clothes, keeping every hair in its place. Marcy self loathed by eating cereal from the box in her oversize sweatshirt with their hair a mess. She was able to sulk in peace and sulk she did thinking about Friday night, the months, and years spun in her head.

Monday came and it was time to roll out her bed, get into the shower then head to work. It was all blurred when she sat down at her desk.

"Knock Knock."  Jessie stood by the door sweetly. "Hey Mars Bar."

"Hey Jessie, How are you?" She signaled for the woman to join her inside her office.

Jessie followed her signal and closed the door behind her. She sat in the chair in front of Marcy's desk. "Missed you this morning."

Marcy wanted to say she barely made it to the afternoon meeting she was scheduled for. They wanted to say it took all their spoons of energy to scoop themselves out of bed. She wanted to say she almost waved the company car to leave her. They wanted to say their body was present, but everything else was scattered between Friday night on the dance floor and Saturday morning in her room. Marcy smiled weakly and said none of those things.

"I decided to sleep in."

"I understand, Mondays are hard."

Marcy thought that was true, she had the orange fluffy cat shirt that said I hate Mondays with a matching mug to prove it. But, this Monday the weekday after the week in of moping made her realize other Mondays were a piece cake walk in comparison.

Jessie cleared her throat to fill the silence. "So, how is your fanfic going?"

"Honestly, I haven't worked on it in a while. I know my readers are probably upset."

"Life happens and it's not like they're paying you."

"True, but I know how it is to be so invested in a story and never have it updated."

"Well, until they invest some money into your account or at least give some feedback, I say you shouldn't feel too bad. Even if you were getting paid like here." Jessie made a wide gesture of the building they're in with her arms. "You wouldn't owe them your soul."

Marcy laughed; she didn't realize they needed that laugh until she got it. They  kind of wanted to hug the woman, but they never really did that before. So she hugged her with a simple word, "Thanks."