imbalance I neteyam sully

chapter two . final goodbye

the forest has always been there, no matter what. neytiri was my first constant but if i'm genuinely thinking about it, the forest was, eywa was. 

neytiri and i shared a bond that made me think the forest wasn't my constant til this moment. 

"you kids have to be  prepared to leave," jake firmly states, giving the kids no other choice, "leave where?" kiri says with irritation. 

kiri, tuk, spider, lo'ak and i had been taken by these avatars, of course neytiri, jake and neteyam saved us but spider didn't make it out and now we don't know if he is dead or alive. i feel he is alive but i feel uneasy for the human boy. 

"ocean lands, seek refuge there," jake responds, "but the forest," i look up at jake with glossy eyes. 

judging by jake's reaction, he knew it would be the hardest for me, hardest for kiri and i. we are leaving parts of our mother behind and we will probably never hear or see them again. 

"i know baby," jake pulls me into his stomach, "it isn't safe for us to stay here, the omatikaya people aren't safe with us around."

soft sobs come from behind me, tuk is crying into her mother. there is so much i can take til i break, and being told i have to leave my home.. really fucking hurts. 

"tuktirey, its okay ma'love," i walk towards neytiri and tuk, i hated to see her cry, i have to be strong for her. "imagine all the great things, we will swim with the fish, with the beautiful flowers in the water, it will be so magical and tuk, you will look so beautiful with all the fish and sea flowers," i begin to rub her back. 

tuk pulls away from her mothers chest and looks down at me with a bright teary smile, "i want to swim with the fish," she says with a rasp in her voice, "you will be able to!" i give her one of the most reassuring smiles i can. 

she's now excited to go, me? i'm not, but, they took me in, they're keeping me safe, i cant be ungrateful. 

neytiri is braiding my hair before the big trip, she believes it will keep my hair 'secure'. i let her do my hair, she loves the feeling, she loves how the curls fall, she loves putting my hair in half braids so my hair at the back is still out and shows the curls. it is my favourite hairstyle. 

i feel a hand grab onto mine, i look down and see kiri. she's hurting, she can sense i'm hurting. all i can do in this moment is pretend and believe we will come back one day. a smile spreads across my face and her eyes still stay in their droopy sad state. 

by the time neytiri finished my hair, kiri had fallen asleep still in grip of my hand. 

"lo'ak," i say to the boy who couldn't sleep til i was beside him, "let's sleep with tuk and kiri tonight," he looks over at kiri and gives me a soft nod, "can i?" i hear a soft raspy voice come from behind me, neteyam. 

his eyes are as sad as kiri's, if not more, it hurts to see him in such a state. 

"of course you can ney," i softly place kiri's hand into the netted hammock and reach my hand towards neteyam. 

neteyam and lo'ak are laying either side of me, soft snores leave neteyam's mouth and hits my back, the feeling of his presence felt some what.. comforting. 

neytiri had started her melody and not like the rest of the nights, it was different. 

pandora and i weren't one in this moment, i could feel everybody around me, sudden sadness hits me like a brick. nothing has ever been so painful. 

i was feeling their emotions, their pain, their future, my future. it's filled with so much sadness, i couldn't take it anymore, with neytiri's last verse, i broke, i broke into a thousand pieces. 

lo'ak wrapped his arms around my head and i was crying uncontrollably, i couldn't stop. i wanted the pain to leave, but it wouldn't. 

i spent most of the night crying into lo'ak's chest and finally fell asleep extremely late into the night. 

"i'm going to miss this," a soft whisper spoke and shortly after that, a flash occurred. a camera. jake was always taking photos of us all, even if he didn't show it, i could feel it. he loved his children more then words could express. 

neytiri's soft cries fill the tent and jake's soft reassuring voice followed, "i know baby, i know," his voice broke.

this took an extremely big toll on us all, we were leaving our home, our forever, our world. 

our final goodbyes ended at the tree of souls, we left there. on our ikrans we made our way to our new home, to a new forever, to a new world. 

kiri's cries hurt the most, she cried a long period of the time to the ocean lands, her cries came from somewhere so deep and everybody felt it, everyone felt her sadness. 

"kiri," i say softly, she looks over at me with wet cheeks, furrowed eyebrows and droopy, cloudy eyes, "we will come back, we will return to her, to the forest," i reassure her, "i wish we didn't have to do this," her voice cracks with the last word.

it felt like an arrow through the chest.

"ma'kiri, i'm so sorry," i tried to keep myself from crying, but she could feel my heart break within me. 

the people weren't hard to leave, it was the forest, my connection with the forest. our connection, our bond, was something nearly unbreakable. nearly is the keyword because now it had been broken, now it had been split apart and may never be bonded again. 

neteyam turned his head towards me with soft eyes and mouthed, "i feel you."

i feel you neteyam, i feel you in ways i'd never be able to explain. 

i feel you.