imbalance I neteyam sully

chapter six . memories

since my incident everything has gone down hill, lo'ak and i haven't spoken in over a week, the attacks on the ocean lands have started, they're close to finding us.

neteyam hasn't spoken to me, i've tried but nothing.

i have lost my connection to kiri, she has become distant.

i'm in a state of continuous sadness.

i miss the forest, i miss lo'ak, i miss kiri - kiri misses spider, i think that's why our bond has broken, she's too far gone in made up grief, she misses seeing her mother and weirdly enough she had a fit similar to me but with an actual reason behind it.

neteyam, i'm not sure what happened, he's hurt, i can see that.. i can feel it but what reasoning behind it. all i can remember were our eyes connecting and feeling this rush of.. i cant explain the emotion, it's beyond anything i've ever felt before.

tsireya and i over the last couple days have bonded in new ways, she's introduced me to her tulkun and told me stories about their land, about the animals of the ocean. i have grown quite fond of her, i can see why lo'ak enjoys her company, but it hurts at the same time, he prefers her company but not mine? he once loved mine.

it was a gloomy day, we were all stuck inside; everybody was feeling uneasy, i could feel it. i was kind of left to myself, kiri, lo'ak and neteyam were all grouped up together talking with tuk, neytiri and jake asleep in the netted hammock.

i felt lonely.

two years ago

"lie si oe neteyamur, nawma sa'nokur mifa oeya, atanti ngal molunge, mipa tireyti, mipa tikanti, lawnol a mi te'lan, lawnol a mi telan, ngaru irayo seiyi ayoe toniri tireya, ngaru irayo seiyi ayoe srriri tireya, ma eywa, ma eywa.. zola'u niprrte' ma kiri, ngati oel munge soaiane, lei si oe atanur, pahem parul, ti'ongok a oeta, lawnol a mi te'lan, lawnol a mi te'lan, ngaru irayo seiyi ayoe toniri tireya, ngaru irayo seiyi ayoe srriri tireya.. ma eywa, ma eywa," neytiri sings softly.

i stand memorised by the sound of her voice, so beautiful, so perfect.. like my mum's.

"lie si oe neteyamur," i begin to sing along, neteyam turns to me, "you experience me?" neteyam mocks, "shhh,"  i roll my eyes.

"sa'nokur mifa oeya, atanti ngal molunge, mipa tireyti, mipa tikanti, lawnol a mi te'lan, lawnol a mi telan, ngaru irayo seiyi ayoe toniri tireya," neteyam sat there staring at me as a sung along, "you sound like your mum," he told me.

i turned and looked at neteyam, he looked so.. memorised, how i am when neytiri sings. it hurt to hear him say that, knowing i have a piece of her within me.. hurts but i'm glad i do.

"i'm surprised you remember what she sounds like," i respond and look down at my hands which is playing with one of my pieces of the curly white hair, "you are a reminder of what she sounds like," i look up at him, "you are just as magical as how you explain her," he continues, "your hair, eyes and hands, may make you different but you are just as magical.. if not more."

funny thing is, i never told neteyam about my mother, only lo'ak.. at nights after the melody if we couldn't sleep.

neteyam was listening.

i look towards neteyam, he's joking around with his siblings, he looks so happy, genuinely happy. this was until he caught me staring at him and his smile slowly turned into a frown. i quickly turn away and look back at the top of the tent.

six years ago

"she will be living with us,"  jake bends down to our height, "i wish i had white hair," lo'ak says and grabs a piece of it, "you can't just touch her lo'ak, you must ask," neteyam informs his younger brother, "i'm sorry," he drops the piece, "it's okay, nobody ever wants to touch it, you can touch it whenever you want," i give him a teeth-y smile and he smiles back.