the idea of imbalance
varies throughout each persons mind,
the chemical imbalance within the brain,
the imbalance of love, life, lust.
akari na'van was just that,
she was the imbalance yet,
akari was the yin to him, to his family.
disclaimer:
i...
realising that i'm no longer number one in his eyes anymore hurts, it scares me realising one day.. really close in time, ill be alone and he will leave me.
thoughts are circling through my mind, its been days since the lo'ak and aonung incident. lo'ak and i haven't spoken since, only at night are we together.
during the melody all i can think about is neteyam, his words to me in the jungle, the words i didn't say to him, but in a time like this should i be focusing on my feelings? someone is out their seeking to kill the sully's and i'm focused on lo'ak leaving me forever and whether or not i want to admit the truth to myself about neteyam.
i wake early that morning, still dark outside yet the stars reflection against the water light the tent, i turn away from lo'ak and look towards neteyam. his skin glowing in the dark, tuk wrapped up in his arms. he is the beauty.
an hour passes by and i feel movement from behind me, i quickly close my eyes and feel lo'ak's hand rest against my waist to pull himself up. i feel him get off the hammock and quietly leave the tent.
i open my eyes and look out, i watch as he climbs onto an ilu and rides off into the distance.
tsireya.
"tuktirey," i say, "eat now," i say firmly, "or i wont take you to go feed the ilus, i'm serious," she looks at me with soft eyes and quickly eats the food in-front of her.
"are you coming neteyam?" kiri asks her older brother, he looks at me, "you should come," i softly say and turn away.
i feel my cheeks warm up.
"ill come then," he sounds happier then usual.
laying on the sand in the sun was really comforting, it had been a couple hours since we came out here. i was starting to get exhausted and left the trio in the water to come lay in the sun.
"akari," his voice spoke and i felt his body touch mine, "neteyam," i say with a teeth-y smile, "why aren't you in the water?" i ask, "i was 'exhausted'," he mocks.
i remove my hand from my forehead and sit up, he's laying down and looking up at my face, the shadow of my upper half overs his face from the sun. i can see the smile spread across his face.
"is there something you want?" i question, "there's a few things i want, you'd have to be more specific," neteyam is looking deeply into my eyes, trying to read me, "hidden beauty," i whisper.
his eyes widen, obviously thinking i wouldn't bring this up ever.
"did you mean everything you said that night?" i look down at the sand and begin playing with it, "i wouldn't of said it if i didn't mean it akari," his hand reaches for mine.
i can feel him in this moment, i can see him. he's open for me, he's an open book.
"i see you," i move closer to his face and my words were barely a whisper, my words put him in a state of silence, he sits up and looks deeply into my eyes.
"i see you," he brushes one of the loose braids behind my ear.
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a soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. it's the one person who knew you an d accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would.
if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak that's not the one. when you meet your soulmate you'll feel calm, no anxiety, no agitation.
"i feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything. maybe we're from the same star," his words hit deeper then i thought ever would, he has always referred to me as his star, 'what lights up what he can't see'.
the star perfectly lighting up his face just earlier this morning.
maybe we are neteyam.
i don't say anything, i continue to stare into his eyes noticing every detail of him i've never noticed before.
he is what i have been looking for my entire life, yet he has been with me this entire time, but are we far too young for this? are we too young, only weeks ago was i watching him cry into his fathers chest.
but, soulmates don't come with an age restriction, when they're there, they're there. don't ever miss the opportunity.
he is the pure, he is the black to my white. he is the golden child, i am the outcasted child.
we are the right and wrong.
in all the things i've ever been told in life, the biggest lie was being told lo'ak was my yang when all this time it was neteyam.
i was the yin, he was the yang, we grow with each other's differences and that's..
that's true love.
"akari, wake up, please!" voices are echoing, i'm overwhelmed. "akari!," his voice brings peace.
"MOVE!" neytiri's voice screams, i feel the presence of someone, someone i've never touched before.
"ronal, please, if you can help her, help," neytiri is begging, their voices are becoming more quiet, all i hear is.. my mother, my mother calling for me.
in this moment, i see her, i see my mother. ninat is more beautiful then i remember, she's telling me something but i don't understand, she's crying.. she's crying for me.
a deep gasp exits me.
i am here..
i am crying..
"mummy," i cry out.
neytiri wraps her body around mine, "akari, my pure baby," she cries into me.
nobody knows what happened, one moment i was there.. then the next i was on the ground, apparently i had a seizure, an episode jake referred to it as.
"where is neteyam?" i ask, "he couldn't watch you like this, he thought it was his fault somehow," jake tells me as he continues to rub my forehead.
"his fault? it's not his fault, i have to find him," i try to get up, jake places his arm firmly on my stomach, "you can't go, you must stay here, he will return when he is ready."
