Hot Fuzz

It's Not 'Decaffeination'

Your P.o.v

I drive as Danny is telling me where the crime scene is. "So, what's a decaffeination?" I ask him.

"You know, where someone loses their head." He tells me. "It right at the town limit sign."

I see squad cars and pull over. "Danny, its decapitated, not decaffeinated." I shake my head and getting out of the car. Danny lets out a little 'oh.'

I look at the scene, and it was gruesome to say the least. The car was past the sign, but right at the sign, but the heads were in front of the sign. I also notice that there are no skid marks on the road, so maybe the car occupants did not do this themselves.

I look more closely at the heads, and I gasp a bit. It was Martin Blower and Eve Draper who are dead. I gulp and walk and stand in between Nicholas and Danny.

"Little Brian Libby found them, out on his paper round." Fisher explains. "Oh, he'll be having nightmares for a while." I feel sorry for Brian. Nobody needs to see that. Fisher walks closer to us and turns around and points at the sign. "Must have hit the sign at some speed. Took the whole top off."

"I've had my top off in this lay-by." Doris says then chuckles. Then Walker says something that sounds like 'tits.'

"Most likely lost control, left the road here and ended up here." Fisher points as he explains his theory. "Soo, what do we reckon? Sergeant Angel?" He looks at Nicholas. I look at him too, and he seems to be in his thoughts.

He looks at Fisher. "We should get a proper cordon off, screen the remains from public view. Close down the road until the ambulance crew arrives, whereupon we should open a single lane of traffic to ease congestion." He tells Fisher. Fisher looks at me, and I nod in agreement.

Fisher nods his head. "Very good." He looks at Walker and Doris and points at Nicholas. "What he said."

~Time Skip nearly missing a decaffeination~

After the ambulance gets to the scene, and we set up the road so people won't be mentally scarred, I stand with Nicholas and Danny to direct traffic. Danny directs a tractor out of town when Reacher pulls up in his car.

"What happened, Danny?" He asks.

Danny leans down to the window of the car. "Car accident."

Reacher nods his head a bit. "Nasty way to go." He shakes his head and drives off.

Danny stands straight up. "Constable, official vocab guidelines states we no longer refer to these incidents as 'accidents,' right Sergeant?" He looks at me.

I look at him and nod. "Yes, they are now called 'collisions.' And it's a thing I never thought I would have this happen to anyone." I look at Nicholas. "Did you see the absence of marks on the road?"

Nicholas nods, but before he could reply, a voice starts speaking. "'For never was there a story of more woe.'" We turn to see Skinner in his car. "'Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.'"

"Excuse me?" Nicholas asks, getting closer to his car, as I say, "I'm sorry?"

Skinner nods his head to the crime scene. "Martin and Eve. Such a tragedy."

I look at him with my eyes narrowing. "Mr. Skinner, do you mind telling me how you know the identity of the persons involved?" Nicholas asks him.

"Of course. When I didn't get my Citizen delivered this morning, I rang Annette Roper to enquire after young Brian. You know how it is, news travels fast." Skinner tells him. He looks at me, winks and drives away while listening to a song about Romeo and Juliet.

I shiver and Nicholas looks at me. "I'm okay, I just hate the suggestive things that come out of Skinner's mouth."

His eyes soften and he puts his hand on my shoulder. "I'll make sure he won't do anything to you. I promise." I smile and at him and thank him.

Amanda Paver comes up to us from behind on her bike. "What happened, Danny?" She asks.

Danny looks at her. "A traffic collision." She says 'oh' and Danny looks back at us. "Hey, why can't we say 'accident' again?" I look at him.

"Because 'accident' implies there's nobody to blame." Both me and Nicholas say at the same time. I turn to look at Nicholas and he looks at me. We smile while I am probably blushing, and I hear Danny sighing.

(A/N: I hope you are enjoying the story.)