Cabin Fever

16

It's almost time for us to leave and I've been really struggling with it. I've been kind of avoiding Cordelia because I know I have to get used to not always being around her. Jasmine, one of her kids, even asked me about it because she knows we're close. She said that Delia has been sad and she doesn't know why.

I told her I'd check into it. I feel bad for making her sad but I think it's the best for us learning how to be apart. "Yo" Amanda says, I've been spending a lot of time on B side the past few weeks and we've become friends. "Hey" I said, she grabbed my arm and pulled me down a trail to walk.

"So what's up with you?" She asks, "nothing" I say trying to sound convincing. "Cut the bullshit. You know everyone knows you and Cordelia are together. You've both been sad recently... did you break up?" She ask softly and I shake my head. "So what's the problem?" She asks stopping and leaning against a tree, I lean on one across the trail and sigh.

"I just think it's best if we spend some time apart to get used to it. For like when we leave camp..." I say and she shakes her head. "That would make me want to spend more time with her. Knowing that you'll be apart... doesn't it make you want to cherish every moment?" She asks me and I think about her words.

I've thought about that a lot but I just feel like it'll hurt even more. "I just feel like this way is best" I say, "obviously not. You're both miserable. You were practically attached at the hip, now you avoid her. I know there's something else..." she says walking to stand in front of me.

"I mean... I just don't think we're built for long distance for that exact reason. We both like to be near each other at all times and when we're not... she'll get lonely. She can easily find someone else and then what I'm supposed to do. I have to learn to live without her" I say honestly. "I love you but that is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard. In fact I've never heard so many wrong things come out of persons mouth before. Except maybe Jim but he's a dumbass" she chuckles.

"You don't know that though" I say, "I know Cordelia and I know you. She'd never hurt a fly, let alone someone she loves so dearly. She is fully committed to you, there's no need for you to doubt that. I know it happens and I'm not saying you're not entitled to those feelings. All I'm saying is that you should talk to her, tell her how you feel. She can reassure you better than anyone" she says.

"She's going to be mad at me" I say biting my lip nervously. "No she won't. Now go talk to her, I'll watch the kids all mine left early" she smiles. She basically pushes me over to the cabin and rounds up the kids taking them off somewhere. "Hi" I say quietly, "hey" Delia says, well this is awkward.

"I'm sorry... for avoiding you" I say, "why did you?" she asks softly and I sit on a close bed giving her space. "I was—am afraid" I say, "of what?" she asks, I pick at my fingers and she takes my hands to stop me. "I feel like you might—you're really pretty and I just think with us having to be apart and-" she interrupts me stumbling over my words.

"I'm not going to leave you. I promise. I wouldn't even think of it" she says now holding my face so I look into her eyes. "You're beautiful, Alicia. I couldn't think of a more perfect person for me. I love you with all my heart and soul and I would be absolutely out of my mind to let you go" she says.

"You are kinda out of your mind" I joke and she chuckles before sniffling. "I don't want anyone else, I only want and need you. I would never ever hurt you. Besides, had you talked to me any of the times I asked, you would've known that I want you to come with me" she smiles sadly.

"Really?" I ask her, "of course, idiot. I want you with me always" she says. Her hands return to mine, "I can't" I say after a moment of silence. "Why not?" She asks not letting go of my hands, "my family won't let me" I reply. "You can make you're own decisions. Now if you don't want to come with me you can tell me..." she says.