Cabin Fever

18

"What's up?" I ask her, "what were you guys talking about?" She asks instead of answering. Shit. "Life" I say, a complex yet simple answer hopefully that'll suffice. "Life? Like what?" She asks, god damn it I love this woman but fuck me. "Just stuff... anxiety, ya know" I say. That's the dumbest thing you've ever said.

"Anything interesting?" What is up with her and all these damn questions?! "Not really" I reply, "care to share?" She asks and I look down at my hands trying not to show my nervousness. "It was about us" I say honestly, I really would rather tell her the truth and possibly hurt her than lie and hurt her more with her own brain.

"What about us?" She asks softly, "just recent... things" I say. "What Wilhemina told you, you mean" she says and I nod. "Honestly. It probably is as bad as you think" she sighs, "I don't really think anything. I would like to hear it from you... so I can understand" I tell her.

"I mean it was difficult for me—for everyone really. He was an asshole but I can't completely victimize myself like I didn't do anything wrong" she explains. "Like what?" I asked, "staying with him for as long as I did. I know everyone says that I'm not weak for it and maybe I wasn't. But I knew better and didn't do better for myself" she says.

"It's not your fault..." I put my hand on her thigh. "It's not all his fault either. He should've never done what he did but I also should've never cheated on him. I was just... coping. With the fact that I was getting older and still had no idea of what to do with my life. Trying to somehow piece together the parts of me that I never got to explore. Attempting, horribly, to take back my identity and make it my own. Then he came and-and gave me a role, told me what to do. He made everything easy. I never had to make decisions which, at first, was great. Then I got older and it became controlling, I realised he never loved me in the first place" she expresses.

I decide to just let her vent instead of trying to verbally comfort her. "I didn't know who I was before the relationship. At some point along the way I realised I was only the person he made me. Then I left him... and it took me a while to figure out who I am. Then you came..." she says grabbing my hand and looking me in the eyes.

"You came and made me realise exactly who I always was. I finally feel like I'm experiencing what true love really is. You don't want me to change... you don't care about my age. You reassure me without even trying that you love me" she says. "I know it might be difficult now and you'll need time to process..." she looks down.

"But I promise to fight for you if I need to and answer any questions that you have. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I will do anything to keep you" she says looking up at me. "I know you love me... and I know you only did those things because you were lost. I believe people can change and I can already see that you're different. The only reason I'm hesitant is because I know there's something else... I can feel it" I say truthfully.

"There's always something else... a reason behind actions. Behind words. I didn't have the best upbringing and that's no excuse for the things I've done. However, it did influence the way I lived for a long time" she explains. "I think we've discussed enough trauma for the day. Let's regroup next session?" I joke and she chuckles before nodding.

"I love you" she whispers, "I love you too. Now let's go before they send a search party" she giggles and we stand, intertwining our hands and walking towards the field. I can smell the wood burning before I can even see the fire. "It's fucking huge" I say, "yeah it's pretty big" she laughs. "Heyyy" Audrey says running over to us, "gotta take this one, sorry not sorry" she says pulling me away from Delia. She rolls her eyes while I laugh and try to keep up with Audrey's incredible pace.

We get started on cooking some hotdogs and burgers—by 'we' I mean me, while Audrey starts mixing non-alcoholic drinks to make them 'pretty'. "Hey little one" I hear Mina say, "hi" I say softly as she comes to stand next to me. "Why are you sitting on your ass?" Mina asks Audrey to which I giggle.

"You didn't say 'pretty' or 'cute'" she pouts and Mina rolls her eyes in response. "Aren't I supposed to get some sort of special treatment?" She asks Mina, she walks over and whispers something in her ear making her eyes widen. "How's that for special treatment?" She smirks and Audrey just gets up and finds something to do.

We both start laughing as we watch her chasing one of the kids for something. "So you and Delia?" She asks turning to me, "it's complicated" I say spotting her across the field. "Many things in life are" she agrees and I nod in agreement as well. "Did you kill him?" I ask because I can't help myself, "I didn't but it's completely possible that someone may have" she says vaguely.

I get her drift though. "How many times did she cheat?" I ask still staring at her across the field, "I'm not really sure but I hope you're not implying it was her fault" she says and I shake my head quickly. "Of course not. He was an asshole and he deserved what happened to him. I'm just curious" I say.

"We talked about it once... she kept trying to blame herself and convince me that it was her fault. She told me all the things she did wrong including the cheating. I think she said... the first 2 years she was having on and off one nightstands. Nothing longer than 2 weeks with the same person because that's what she'd been doing for a while" she recalls.

"And did she date anyone else after or just go back to before?" I ask, "neither. She spent a lot of time alone just... rethinking life I guess. She hasn't even looked at anyone like that again until she met you" she says. Just then Delia turns around and locks eyes with me, she smiles and waves enthusiastically. I chuckle and wave back trying to match her energy.

"You make her really happy, Alicia. She's like a little kid again" she says happily. "How long have you known her?" I ask turning my attention to the grill so I don't burn the food. "A while. Her mother and I were... business partners" she says, I decide not to ask what that means. Seems like Delia's mom was the face and Mina was more behind the scenes.

"What was she like... as a kid" I just want to know more about her. I know she's not ready but she did say she wanted me to know. If she wouldn't be comfortable with it Mina just won't tell me. "She was a really happy kid most of the time" she starts looking at her playing a game with the kids.

"Her mother was... simply put, a bitch. She moved out almost as soon as she hit 18 and I didn't hear from her for about 6 months. I'm not sure what she was doing, she never talked about it when I asked. She called me one night asking if I'd pick her up, she was about 2 blocks from my house. I brought her in and she stayed with me for a week before leaving again. We kept in touch and she'd pretty much tell me everything about what she was up to. Wether it be a 'girlfriend' or 'boyfriend', going to this or that party. I knew she'd get tired of it at some point but I never thought she'd get married. Especially to a man if I'm being honest" she chuckles.

Learning a bit more about her just makes me want to learn more. I wonder what happened during those 6 months... I mean if she didn't tell Mina, she probably won't tell me. But I'm definitely going to wonder regardless. "It's been a truly amazing experience seeing her grow and blossom into the woman she is. I have to remind myself that she's not a little girl anymore, ya know? I'm so proud of her" she says.

I look up to see her coming over in our direction, Mina gives me a kiss on the top of my head and walks away. "Hi, darling" she says grinning at me before wrapping her arms around me from behind. "Hi, baby" I reply, "you know it's really sexy seeing you cook" she whispers in my ear.

"Is that right?" I ask sarcastically, "yeah... I just had to come over, I physically couldn't help myself" she replies. "Glad to know I'm so enticing to you" I say teasingly and I can feel her roll her eyes. "I love you" I whisper to her, "I love you too, baby" she replies softly.