Diaries

Chapter 7

Update: January 2023.

This story was originally written in 2015. For those who have asked even up to 2022, I'll continue the story. Thank you so much for your comments, votes, love, and support ♡

7.

I never knew why I'd search for my dad's encouragement in anything. I guess because the little girl inside who craved a loving father still hadn't completely died yet. I'd say I knew he loved me but just had a funny way of showing it. I don't know myself though how true that really could be, or if it's just a lie to myself because that little girl never got what she wanted. I didn't know what I had taken, but I was so high that for once it didn't hurt, it didn't even sting.

I hurried outside to enjoy the gentle rain beat my face as it ripped through the clouds. I looked up at the heavy grey heavens with a smile. I realized in this moment that it was never basketball I wanted to play, it was the feeling of being part of someting that I craved. In this moment, I'd felt it for the first time in my life, after a practice with a bunch of boys who needed a shower and a stick of deoderant each. This was also the moment it began to sink in... how sad it actually was, and it hurt... again. Worse than ever before.

My eyes fell shut, and I no longer could differentiate droplets of rain from tears as I felt the water sliding down my face. I took a look back at the double doors before heading off of the school premises. I slipped my hands into the back pockets of my Levi's, my fingers digging around for loose change. The bus zoomed past me, and with the stop right in sight, I ran for it. The huge wheels swhooshed water from the curb all over me, it didn't stop me. I kept running, and running, and running... it almost felt as if my emotions were stronger than the physicalities of my body. The bus could hit me, and I wouldn't feel it.

Finally it stopped, and so did I. I breathleslly climbed the stairs, pulling out the change and slipping it into the deposit. The bus driver looked at me, waiting.

"That's ... all I have, dude." I said, still digging around my pockets, hoping to find a few more coins magically appear but they didn't.

The bus driver sighed so heavily his bloated body expanded and contracted in plain sight. He fixed his lips to speak, "I'm not your dude, firstly, second that means you can't ride then."

"Please." I said through clenched teeth.

"Look, fifty cents, kid. You've only put in thirty ..." he peaked over his seat, "one."

A small elderly woman from the front stood up slowly, handing me the remainder. She was dressed in all different shades of purely pink. She looked like she probably owned nine cats back home. I couldn't take it from her, she reminded me too much of my own grandmother I'd missed so dearly.

"Thank you, but it's okay, this fat bastard needs it more than I do." I stepped down from the bus, hearing a few chuckles as the doors closed immediately behind me. I then saw Leo walking up the street.

"JESS?!"

I waved over at him as he grew closer.

"Swifty's looking all over for you, where you goin'?" He asked.

I waited a moment before speaking, laughing a little as I felt the high coming down, "I was ... gonna run away, but that dick of a bus driver wouldn't let me on the bus."

"Why not?" Leo asked.

I rolled my eyes, "I didn't have enough money."

"It's fucking raining though." He scoffed.

"I know." I shook my head, "well I gotta go before my dad finds me-"

"You're still gonna run away, why?" He asked.

"I don't wanna talk about it, I just wanna go." I stepped away.

He took a step forward, taking off his heavy brown leather jacket and giving it to me. Underneath, being left with only his jersey.

I shook my head in surprise. Leo was no gentleman, yet in this moment, he'd become so. Maybe it was the drugs, "no... you need it, thanks though."

He came behind me and put it around my shoulders, "you're probably going a lot further than me. I'll steal another one."

We both laughed as he pushed my heavy wet hair out of my face, and just as he did so, Swifty's car drove by, coming to an abrupt stop at the end of the street and reversing. We could hear him yelling before the window could completely roll down.

"JESSICA WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! GET IN THE CAR!"  He yelled.

I sighed as heavily as the bloated bus driver, "not anymore."

"I'm glad you're not running away, I probably wouldn't see you again." He said.

"So?" I asked.

"I like you." He said, quietly so Swifty wouldn't hear.

I couldn't help but smile, and I knew for certain already I was blushing because my face felt warm and so did everything else. In that moment I realized my physical body again, and that Leo could make me ... feel. There was a sudden flutter in my stomach, and I'd already known I liked him too, I just didn't understand it, or know how to express it.

"JESSICA! GET YOUR ASS IN THE CAR!" Swifty shouted, more mad than the first time.

I looked back at Leo as I walked to the car, unable to tear my eyes off of him, my smile still in place.

"LEO IF I SEE YOU WITH MY DAUGHTER AGAIN, YOU'RE OFF THE TEAM!" Swifty yelled as I got in the car.

I slammed the door behind me, crossing my arms and glaring at my dad through the rearview mirror, where I had plain sight of him.

"HEY! WATCH IT!YOU BREAK MY DOORS WHO'S GONNA PAY FOR IT HUH?!"

I didn't speak as I realized Leo's jacket was still around me. All I could think about was what I was just told. How could he like me? I wasn't girly, I hada funny looking face, and my hair was never done.

"WHY DO I GOTTA HUNT YOU DOWN WHILE YOU GO BE A LITTLE WHORE WITH MY BEST PLAYER, CAN YOU EXPLAIN THAT, JESSICA?! WHY DO I GOT A LITTLE WHORE, FOR A DAUGHTER, DAMNIT?!"

My voice cracked as I spoke, "I'm not a whore."

"THEN WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?! AND WITH MY BEST PLAYER, JESSICA?! REALLY?! I BRING YOU BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU AT HOME GETTING INTO GOD KNOWS WHAT WITHOUT YOUR FATHER AROUND--"

"SO EVERYDAY YOU BRING ME AROUND A BUNCH OF TEENAGE BOYS?!" Before I knew it, I was raging back.

The car swerved as he hit the breaks abruptly right in the nick of time. He'd nearly drove into another car screaming at me. I grabbed onto the door, falling forward and bumping my head.

I screamed in pain as the car threw me back against my seat.

"SEE WHAT YOU JUST MADE ME ALMOST DO?!" He leaned over and slapped me up, aiming for my face but never catching it as I dodged every wave of his smelly hand.

"YOU'RE THE WORST FATHER!" I screamed.

"AND YOU'RE THE WORST DAUGHTER I NEVER ASKED FOR I WANTED A FUCKING SON ANYWAY YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER AND YOU BOTH ARE AWFUL!" He sped off as traffic behind us honked.

I looked at myself in the side mirror, seeing a bump on my forehead from the hit. My heart was heavy with pain, from his words, to the bump on my head, and how stupid I'd probably look to Leo now. He definitely wouldn't like me looking like this.

I didn't speak anymore. I just sat back with crossed arms, wishing I hadn't been too stubborn to take the change from the little old lady earlier that day.